


XXX

by whosays_penultimate



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Drama, Eventual Happy Ending, Games, Kinks, M/M, Pining, Secret Crush, Smut, amateur porn, hidden identities, it escalates, no beta we die by Pooh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:22:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 31,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22422541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whosays_penultimate/pseuds/whosays_penultimate
Summary: Yuzuru makes an amateur porn video, just for fun. Javier finds it.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 375
Kudos: 410





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mother_North](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/gifts).



> DISCLAIMER: Obviously untrue, lol. But hopefully hot ;)
> 
> Mother North, thank you very much for this awesome plot bunny and for the support. <3  
> Also I'd still love to read your own take on this!

Javier wasn’t really into porn. Sure, he watched the occasional dirty video to get him off, once in a while, but it wasn’t something he usually engaged in – he much preferred the real thing.

But there was something which made him turn to the darkest corners of the internet in hope of finding some satisfaction – he didn’t even know where it all originated, but he was sure it had something to do with his Japanese training mate, because he found himself searching for Asian porn, more often then not. He’d start out with straight porn and then somehow end up watching gay porn. Then, it was as if he gave up entirely trying to fool himself into thinking he wasn’t searching for a way to project his lust on someone who shared even the slightest resemblance with the real object of his desire. Gradually, he realized the videos depicting actual sexual intercourse made him feel even worse, since the idea of Yuzuru with someone else made him ache with jealousy.

Lately, Javier would just skip straight to the solo male videos, even if some turned out to be amateur ones – some of the men wore masks or did not film above the neckline, which made it easier for Javier to imagine that some slender twink might be Yuzuru.

It wasn’t even something Javier did very often. Two nights a week, on average - depending on how worked up he got.

One night, Javier came across a video simply entitled ‘Asian male’, which looked very promising from the thumbnails, so he clicked on it, and settled to watch it with high anticipation. It was not long, only a few minutes, and Javier wondered if it was even worth beginning to jerk off to it. He decided to watch it first, and decide later.

The boy in the video was slender, and had a sway in his step as he moved to take a seat on a chair in front of the camera. The way the camera was positioned, Javier couldn’t see his face at all. As soon as the boy sat down, long fingers started unbuttoning his shirt, swiftly and efficiently. He paused slightly once the shirt was undone and moved a palm over the small buds of his nipples. The nipples looked pink and silky-soft and they made Javier’s mouth water. The touch was brief, and then the boy started unbuttoning his own pants.

Javier smiled slightly at the brisk efficiency of his undressing – it looked like the guy was very much an amateur. There was no teasing his audience with the tiniest glimpse of bare skin, no drawn-out striptease. It was like he decided to do this and he was eager to get it done. Most certainly inexperienced, Javier mused, somewhat condescendingly, but still intrigued.

On screen, the boy was removing his pants, revealing a pair of tight-fitting yellow boxers which made Javier giggle. They somehow strengthened his impression of the guy’s immaturity. Yellow was such a non-colour. Even pink would’ve been better.

The boy stood up as he stepped out of his pants, and arranged the camera angle slightly. Javier got a close-up view of his chest and his upper legs, smooth and white. The skin looked soft and unblemished, and Javier had to agree the boy was pretty. At least the parts of him he could glimpse.

Despite his slenderness, he looked toned and athletic. He definitely wasn’t just some college boy looking for a sugar daddy to pay his tuition fees. This was a guy who worked out regularly. Javier could only approve. He watched on as the young man teased himself a little through his boxers, the touch feathery light, making himself shiver all over.

Javier groaned in sympathy. He definitely liked everything that he saw so far.

Then the boy stood up again to remove his boxers. He didn’t need to, but he turned, and Javier was treated to a brief glimpse of a small but toned and delectable ass, cheeks that looked bouncy and perfectly round. Javier was already salivating, before his gaze was drawn by the young man’s cock: straight and pink, already erect, not very long but well-proportioned and gorgeous.

The boy sat down again, his fingers playing idly through his pubic hair, and then grabbed the base of his cock, starting to stroke it firmly. By now, Javier’s own cock demanded very urgent attention so he reached inside his own pants and started stroking himself, but idly, not wanting to bring himself off yet. Meanwhile, the boy on the screen increased his pace. He seemed determined to get this done with the same brisk efficiency with which he had undressed.

Javier’s gaze lingered on the slender but toned abdomen and wasp-like waist, which curved enticingly to give way to shapely hips and surprisingly big thighs. Yes, Javier was definitely pleased with his choice, the boy was beautiful. He was gasping slightly now, as the pleasure built, but so low that Javier could barely hear him, even with the volume turned all the way up. He was close, Javier could tell, and he leaned forward, watching him avidly: he was tugging at himself furiously now – any moment now – yes – he’s close – that’s it – Javier held his breath as the first shot of cum spilled out, painting the boy's abdomen.

The boy moaned slightly louder, and Javier gave an answering moan. He watched as the boy’s long fingers playfully toyed with a string of cum, whirling it around his belly button lazily. His breathing was still heavy and shallow, as he was gradually coming down from his high. Javier found himself really wanting to see his face, even if everything he had seen so far was more than satisfactory. But his musings were interrupted as the boy stood up suddenly, presumably to stop the recording, and the video ended abruptly. 

Javier sighed, in brief disappointment. The video was way too short for him to jerk off to it properly, he’d have to look for another, perhaps less satisfactory, but longer. Clearly, the boy needed to learn more about how porn videos were done, but he deserved encouragement: maybe then he would post more?

He gave the video a thumbs-up, not that it needed any more, it was already overwhelmingly well-rated, and glanced briefly at the comments, before he left his own.

*

“his body is delicious”

“i love sweet asian boys mm pubes and a cute small dick”

“who is he ?????? ”

“let me get his number”

“nice to watch, want to see his face”

“i wonder if he’s watching something to get him off, he makes sexy sounds but way too quiet”

“let me do that for you”

“yes please”

“nice cumshot”

“wanna use his load to fuck him”

“hermosito, me gustas mucho, quiero verte más”

Furtively checking the latest comments on his video, Yuzuru paused briefly at the latest one, in Spanish. His heart had skipped a beat, and now he tried to shake himself out of it. Unthinkingly, he had read them in Javier’s warm voice, in that low tone he had when he told Yuzuru something meant for him alone to hear. It made Yuzuru’s head spin and he tried not to think how gone he was for his training mate. After all, it was something Yuzuru stubbornly chose not to dwell on, for fear it would turn his entire well-planned life around.

But still, he couldn’t help but feel a warmth spread in his chest, as he read those praises in Spanish again.

At least he assumed they were praises – he would have to run the comment through his translating app to make sure – but so far they had all left him praises, some weird, some kinky, some downright dirty, but all of them making him blush with pleasure as he read them. This had definitely been a good idea – it was dangerous, of course, but it was also _fun,_ plain and simple. So far, there were no regrets. Nothing made him more excited than the idea that people were watching him, liking what they saw, and praising him. Well, except perhaps the fact that his fans who lusted after him had no idea that somewhere on the internet there was a video of him jerking off. That amused him greatly and excited him in equal measure. Oh, if they only knew...

Yuzuru selected the Spanish comment and ran it through the translation app.

‘You’re beautiful, I like a lot, I want to see more’ – the app provided.

“More...”, Yuzuru reflected. “What more could I possibly show. I’d never show my face of course...”

Still, he was intrigued by the demand which sounded like a challenge.

And Yuzuru couldn’t resist challenges.


	2. Chapter 2

Yuzuru furtively bought a bottle of lube and decided to experiment.

He tried opening himself up on his fingers, but no matter how careful he was, it was still uncomfortable and borderline painful. Not that a little pain bothered Yuzuru, but he was aware he had no idea what he was doing and his inexperienced attempts to find his prostate were anything but seductive. And the sounds he made were definitely not sexy – they were more like yelps, as he accidentally pushed too far too soon. Besides, he couldn’t find the right camera angle that would hide his face completely. Yuzuru experimented with different positions, but none satisfied him. And how much lube did one need exactly?

He either wasn’t doing it right, or he was missing an important ingredient, or insight, which would make it pleasurable.

Maybe gay sex just wasn’t his to enjoy. Which was fine – most likely he would never get to try it for real, anyway. Not with everything that he needed to be and everything he already was.

Eventually, Yuzuru gave it up.

Maybe his short foray into porn was over.

He did have his fun, after all.

His one video was still getting views, and comments. Lots of people had subscribed to him, including that Spanish guy, who had no videos of his own (yes, Yuzuru had checked his profile), and had a nondescript profile picture with a beach and the sea in the background. The Spanish man had a nickname that fit with his profile picture: “Sueño del sol” (the app translated that as “dream of sun”). Yuzuru’s own profile picture was just as inconspicuous: no body parts to attract onlookers, just a stock photo of a flower which looked like a penis, and the nickname KSEX4. No one would guess that the nickname was actually a mix of two of his most frequently used earphones – the Shure KSE 1500 and the Jaybird X4. It was one of the reasons why he checked his private messages – to see if anyone would see past the “SEX” to the thing that he was interested in, which was earphones. Such a person would have definitely received an answer from Yuzuru, and maybe a private video, too. But so far, there hadn’t been anyone. Definitely not the Spanish guy, who didn’t send Yuzuru any message, despite subscribing to him. Maybe he just liked his daily dose of casual dick.

And it wasn’t like Yuzuru was thinking of the Spanish guy or anything.

No, the thought of the Spanish guy waiting to see “more of him” definitely did not make him want to slink back into the bathroom and stick two fingers into his ass again, in the hopes that practice made perfect.

_“hermosito, me gustas mucho, quiero verte más”_

The comment in Spanish made Yuzuru think of Javier, by association. It became somehow connected in Yuzuru’s mind – the fact that the anonymous Spanish guy wanted to see more of him, and the fact that Javier’s gaze lingered on him at times – and Yuzuru always felt it with all the weight of a touch. Sometimes Yuzuru wanted to shake off Javier’s gaze which was too pervasive and Yuzuru felt too sensitive to it. Because Javier always looked at him in a special way, with an undercurrent of _something_ which was acknowledged and ignored at the same time by the both of them.

Oh, who was Yuzuru kidding? He would end up giving in and showing more of himself to the anonymous Spanish guy – and the entire world who cared to look, actually; and part of the reason for that had to do with Javier, who made Yuzuru feel special but never asked him for anything. 

So then, let the man who asks for something, receive it.

Yuzuru’s anxious frown was replaced by a look of pure determination.

Fine, you want to see more? I show you _more_.

Without overthinking it, Yuzuru jumped off the bed and placed the camera on the table, Before pressing ‘record’, he took off his pants, his grey hoodie hanging to his mid-thighs. Yuzuru went to stand in front of the camera, back turned to it, and lifted his hoodie, bunching it up under his armpits. He could have taken it off entirely – the faded but soft hoodie he only wore indoors, but it gave him some illusion of privacy and safety. If he didn’t feel like doing this after all, he only had to let the garment fall, and it would cover him. Looking furtively over his shoulder, he saw the camera captured his body from his knees to his upper back. Just to be extra safe, he put his hood on.

“Asian Male 2” was the name of the video that Javier settled to watch. He was pleasantly surprised that the “Asian male” had posted a new video, Javier had honestly not been expecting it. The boy was certainly new to this and Javier assumed he was just doing it for shits and giggles, and once the novelty wore off, he would probably delete his profile and go back to his life.

It didn’t look like he would show his face in this video either, Javier thought, with some disappointment. He was rather curious to see if the face was as pretty as what he had seen of the boy so far.

The baggy hoodie the boy wore today, and which he lifted to expose his lower body, made his slim waist even more striking. The waist which curved to shapely hips and a gorgeous ass, which the boy was currently swaying teasingly from side to side in front of the camera. It was lewd, the swaying movement of the naked ass in the dim light of his room. The movement seemed to become more sensual and hypnotic, the more Javier stared. 

He blinked, startled, when the boy’s hoodie slipped unexpectedly, momentarily obscuring Javier’s view – the boy caught it and secured it back under his armpits. Then he put both hands on his ass cheeks and squeezed. Javier made a noise deep in his throat, as for a moment, he imagined those were his own hands, giving those fleshy mounds a satisfying squeeze. Tighter and tighter, those fingers gripped, the nails digging in.

When the boy let go, there were red finger-shaped marks on the pale mounds of his ass, which looked beautifully erotic. Javier made another pleased inarticulate noise.

The boy placed both hands back on his ass, this time pinching and slapping the cheeks rhythmically, making them bounce and jiggle – soon they turned a satisfying shade of pink under the ministrations.

Then the boy relaxed and the hoodie fell again, bunching at the small of his back, since that perky bubble butt was sticking out, like a naughty thing that craved attention. Javier felt a moment of regret for the covering up of the slender waist and the milky expanse of the boy’s back, but he was quickly distracted.

The boy’s long fingers pushed his ass cheeks wide apart, keeping them spread for a few seconds, effectively presenting his hole to the camera. Then he let go abruptly. Javier gaped, and rewinded. The glimpse he got of the boy’s asshole was brief but worth it – small, pink and delicious. Javier unconsciously licked his lips.

The video ended soon afterwards, leaving Javier extremely hot and bothered, a mixture of pleased and unsatisfied, even more so than he had been after watching the boy’s first video.

And this video too was barely over the 3 minute-mark. Javier chuckled, shaking his head. What a tease this boy was...

When Javier had asked for more, he just meant he wanted the young man to make his videos longer. Instead, the boy seemed to take it as a challenge to show more of himself, but just as briefly. Not that Javier minded but he was still keeping his videos frustratingly short (but intense), leaving him with a wistful boner, while his own imagination supplied the rest.

It seemed that his latest video got much more attention than his first. Yuzuru browsed the comments somewhat impatiently, checking out the highlights, realizing at some point that he was in fact looking for a comment in Spanish.

“i’d like to train that tight little ass”

“do u like black cock?”

“would love to fuck your ass and eat it for hours if you live in vancouver”

“sexy”

“The boy pussy is so hot!”

“I am a truck driver. Just let me know your location and I will stop by next time.”

“I like to put different things in my ass”

“Tremendous bum!”

“I’m not even gay but I’d put my tongue so far up this guy’s asshole, he’d think he was getting fucked.”

“I need to know how you got that ass and how you got your waist so small, im trying to look like that to get fucked by big cocks ;p”

“Perfect ass. name pls?”

“My ass is much bigger...”

“My problem is, I always fall in love”

“hello new wank material”

“WHO. IS. THIS?”

“jiggle jiggle”

Yuzuru sighed and hit page two.

After browsing through some of the comments on the boy’s latest video, Javier thought for a while, then posted his own comment. It was on the same level of thirst as most of the others, but at least he wasn’t typing with one hand:

“Te dije que quería verte más. Y tú haces otro video de 3 minutos! ¿Por qué me tientas así?”

It was silly of him, he did not even know if the “Asian male” read the comments, let alone speak Spanish.

Then, taking an abrupt decision, he clicked on the boy’s profile, and sent him a private message, as well:

“Hey. Sorry for contacting you by PM, I don’t know if you’re okay with that. I’m not trying to hit on you or anything, but I imagine there are people who do. Which is normal I guess since this is a... porn site haha. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you should be careful giving personal info to strangers. Sorry for assuming, it’s just that I noticed that you’re new to this site, and you seem new at this whole thing, too. But you’re doing great so far! In fact, you’re a natural! I’m looking forward to more videos from you!”

To Javier's surprise, a reply came within minutes:

“Hey. I didn’t know you speak English o(^▽^)o No worries. I don’t reply to PMs.”

Javier bit at his lower lip distracted, then typed back:

“I see! But you replied to mine. Does that make me special?”

“maybe”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation of Javi’s comment: “I told you I wanted to see more. And you made another 3-minute video! Why do you tease me like this?”
> 
> Mother North, thank you so much for the earphone idea! Tbh, the best ideas in this story are yours! <3  
> Estriel, thank you for the picture of Yuzu in a hoodie :D I eagerly await your own hoodie story, if you’re gonna go for it : )))


	3. Chapter 3

Javier wrote and deleted around 10 replies in answer to that “maybe”. In the end, he decided on a neutral “I’m flattered.”

There was no reply to that, and Javier decided not to insist: he did not want to appear too eager. Perhaps the boy was trying to trick him into paying for more “exclusive content” and Javier decided that this is where he would draw the line.

In the end, he was just a guy, in the great anonymity that was the internet. Javier did not even know his name. Sure, he had a pretty cock, and a hot ass and the pinkest, most delicious asshole that Javier had ever seen on a guy, but still.

It’s not like he was Yuzuru.

 _But he was accessible_ , a little nagging voice whispered in Javier’s mind. _Unlike Yuzuru._

Still, Javier obstinately refrained from sending more PMs to “KSEX4” (the weird nickname made Javier think of an android), and decided to stop his frankly worrying habit of looking up pretty twinks on various porn hubs. He has more pressing business, such as training and winning.

*

Javier was used to sharing reassuring, smiling glances with Yuzuru in practice, but this was something else. Yuzuru seemed to glow with happiness, as if lit from within, whenever they happened to cross paths. Not meaning to complain, but somewhat intrigued, Javier skated closer, hovering around Yuzuru’s space, as he took him in.

“You look very happy recently. Any special reason?”

Yuzuru shook his head.

“Just happy to see Javi, to train with Javi”, he answered, brightly, in that cute broken English of his that was strangely pronounced, but still got the message across. Javier was so used to it by now, he did not think twice about it. He suspected Yuzuru knew better English than he let on, but was shy to speak it more.

He laughed with joy on hearing Yuzuru’s words, and moved even closer, hands closing over Yuzuru’s waist to give it an affectionate squeeze. The touch was familiar, Javier’s hands often rested there.

“But you aren’t always happy to see me,” Javier teased. “Sometimes you’re like ‘Unnghh, Javi*” Javier mimicked one of Yuzuru’s death glares quite comically, “and then I know I have to stay away.”

Yuzuru laughed, throwing his head back.

“But you know that not because you, it’s me. I am kuyashii, and driving myself.”

“Yeah, but still”, Javier pressed on. “You’re very happy to see me today.”

“Not only today”, Yuzuru answered, leaning on Javier slightly. “I feel happy because I train with Javi always. Some people are strange, but Javi is ...friend?”

“I’ll always be your friend, Yuzu”, Javier answered seriously.

“I know”, Yuzuru grinned at him.

Javier grinned back, and brushed his hand through Yuzuru’s hair, ruffling it playfully. The hand lingered against the back of Yuzuru’s neck, where it gave a squeeze, half reassuring, half with unconscious intent, and descended along Yuzuru’s spine, to settle comfortably against the small of his back. Javier kept it there until he far exceeded the rules of propriety, but Yuzuru did not mind, and merely sighed happily. Javier looked at him furtively, out of the corner of his eye, suddenly shy. He loved how Yuzuru’s eyes twinkled and his skin glowed, with joy and exertion, and he loved that Yuzuru trusted him enough to include him in his precious little universe. There still was of course the pull of desire, heavy and strong, turning Javier’s brain to mush if he chose to dwell on it. He could smell the faint floral scent of Yuzuru’s clothes, mixed with something sweet and musky and sensual, Yuzuru’s own, made more poignant by his clean sweat. It made Javier want to burrow his face in his pulse point and inhale. It made him want to see Yuzuru naked, sweaty and glowing for a different reason. He rubbed slow circles on Yuzuru’s lower back, imagining the heat of skin pressed beneath his palm instead. With another affectionate smile at him, Yuzuru picked up speed, and Javier had to mentally restrain himself not to eagerly follow. He watched Yuzuru’s elegant silhouette fly across the ice and finally launch into a triple axel – perfectly landed; he watched with a mixture of pride, jealousy and gnawing lust.

*

Javier pulled the zipper down on his pants, beginning to stroke himself as he started the video “Asian male 2”. It finished before Javier could even envisage reaching climax, way too soon, barely enough to get him fully hard. He groaned and rolled his eyes.

Throwing his earlier resolution to the wind, he PM-ed KSEX4:

“You’re a little naughty tease, tu sabes? Why you no make longer videos?”

There was no immediate reply, so Javier sighed, and started clicking around the site, looking for another video, almost settling on one, when a reply popped up:

“I don’t know what to do in longer video.”

Javier sat up at that surprisingly earnest and intriguing confession. He frowned, as several thoughts traveled his mind: 

_You had great thoughts so far, though._

_Is this guy still teasing?_

_What am I supposed to say?_

Javier threw all caution to the wind and decided to be completely honest, his arousal making it difficult for him to mask his need:

“How about you stick something in that pretty hole that you showed us the last time, for starters?”

“I tried that. But it didn’t work.”

“What do you mean it didn’t work? What did you use? /shocked face”

“Fingers. One finger went in but not much stretch. Two fingers feel weird, and hurt. Not good so not posting. I don’t think I’m good at this / frowny face”

“Did you use lube?” Javier asked, after a small silence, which he used to give his cock a few vigorous strokes.

“Of course!”

“Use more”, Javier typed hurriedly. “Use a lot, let the entire bottle drip in there, in your tight little assh;ñ’]x ”

“?”

“Sorry, my phone slipped. I have an idea, if you’re okay with it, how about you show me how you do it and I can give you pointers? And if it turns out okay, you can post the video?”

There was a silence and Javier wondered if he went too far.

But he waited patiently for a reply which would either promise him heaven or tell him to go to hell, and in the end, he wasn’t disappointed:

“I think I like that!”

Javier did a silent fist pump. Of course, he had no idea about how lube worked other than occasionally using it for jacking off for a smoother glide, but how difficult could it be?

Javier chuckled to himself, but then a thought made him stop short. Did this guy mean that he _never_ fingered himself before? He frowned as he typed:

“Hey, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”

“You can ask but I may not answer”, came the coy reply.

 _Right,_ Javier huffed, then typed:

“Are you gay?”

There was a silence, while Javier stared at the phone with a raised eyebrow, waiting for the answer. Finally, it came in the form of:

“I think so. But it’s complicated.”

“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain”, Javier hurried to type, to show that he wasn’t pressuring the guy into confessing any more. “I was only wondering why you never fingered yourself before trying it on for a video”, he stupidly went on, then rolled his eyes at how that message sounded.

The retort came quickly: “Have YOU?”

“No”, Javier was forced to admit.

“But you like watching other men do it”

Javier felt a bit on the defensive, but it was only fair to admit:

“Well yes. I like watching you so far so yes, I guess I’ll stick to watching. To tell you the truth, I’m not even sure that I’m gay. I’m just working that out. I just know I’m interested.”

“But not interested enough to make a video of your own?” came the insidious reply.

Javier stared, feeling something hot and heavy coil in his belly, even as cold sweat traveled down his back.

“Not yet, no”, he typed back. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. But you’re losing. It feels so good. You need try it sometime. /wink”

“I’ll keep that in mind. So, then, are you going to do it? Live cam for me while I walk you through it?”

“maybe”

“None of that coy thing now, just tell me yes or no”

“when?”

*

“Use a little more, gotta get used to the feeling. How does it feel?”

There was a sigh, and Yuzuru typed with his free hand:

“Cold. Sticky”, as he rubbed the lube on his pucker generously.

There was a silence, and then:

“Rub it all over your ass. Come on, do it.”

“Is that going to help?”

“What?”

“Will it help to put things in it?”

“Well, no, but I want to see.”

Yuzuru smirked.

“What are you doing now?” he typed, momentarily pausing from rubbing his ass.

“What do you think?” came the reply, and Yuzuru stifled a chuckle because he could sense the sarcasm even without hearing the words.

“You type slow”, he decided to further tease.

“That’s because I use only one hand. Spread your legs wider. Yes, more. More! Tell you what, spread your ass-cheeks for me like you did in the video. Please. Hold them apart for a while and let me see your pucker good and proper. Is it lubed up well? Let me check.”

“If i hold them, I can’t type.”

“You don’t have to type. I tell you what to do and you do it.”

Yuzuru felt a shiver go through him as he read those words. He was in the bathroom, bent over the bathtub, the camera on the cupboard behind him and his phone at the bottom of the tub, one hand reaching behind him to rub lube over his ass. The Spanish man had told him the angle was “perfect.” Yuzuru’s face was well-hidden and only his ass was on full display, but his position made him feel strangely vulnerable, even if there was no one in the room with him and he was safely locked inside the bathroom. But the words on his phone were weighty like a possessive touch, especially now as they implied that Yuzuru should just – do what he was told. There was an excitement never felt before as he reached for his ass-cheeks and spread them wide, imagining himself being devoured by a hungry gaze.

“That’s it! Lovely. Fuck, so gorgeous”, came the praise, and Yuzuru’s fingers clenched on his own flesh. “Look at that. So pink and tender looking and shiny with lube. Ok. Now. Now pour some more lube, and put one finger up in there. Make it disappear it in all the way to the knuckle.”

Yuzuru took in a sharp breath, and slid one finger inside him carefully. A finger was okay – he knew it worked from before. He tried to slowly maneuver it inside, so that his body got used to the sensation and did not rebel against the intrusion. His body was surprisingly open and accommodating this time. He gasped – his insides were scorching as they clenched around his finger.

“How does it feel? Tell me!” came the message, as if the unknown man could read his mind. “I bet it feels hot and tight. Fuck, it looks so good.”

Yuzuru pressed his burning face to the cold tiles of the bathtub, overwhelmed – both with the sensation, as well as with the words. 

“You can put in another finger now, I’m sure”

Yuzuru hesitated. It seemed too soon. It still felt tight, even though there was no pain or discomfort. He sat still and unmoving for a few seconds, until another message came in:

“Come on, just try. Use more lube. You can do it, baby boy. I’m watching you. It’s all good.”

Yuzuru let out a wheezy breath. He was seized with a sudden desire to obey the request, to the best of his ability, like it was a task he needed to excel at. He wanted to hear more of those sweet praises. He wanted to have the satisfaction of driving the Spanish man insane with lust. He just _wanted._

Biting his lip, Yuzuru poured more lube and allowed another tentative finger to slip in alongside the first, the lube easing the way considerably. He felt full, but it wasn’t uncomfortable, like the first time he had tried it alone. His nerves were tingling. He used the fingers to probe further in, tentative but persistent, stretching the tightness.

“Oh fuck yeah. That’s right. Play around in there. Do you know how it looks, that pretty little hole stretched around your beautiful fingers? Fuck, it’s sinful. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop.”

Yuzuru closed his eyes tightly against the onslaught of fervent reactions that _he_ was causing, fighting back a moan. He was dizzy with the implications of what he was doing, but it was impossibly exciting, as much as it was outrageous.

“Deeper”, he saw the new message, as he opened his eyes. “Push them in deeper. Fuck yourself on them.”

Yuzuru let his ass-cheek drop so he could free one hand to type.

“No”, he sent.

There was a pause.

“No?” the reply eventually came.

“It’s too much”, Yuzuru typed, and then deleted. “I think it’s enough for now”, he eventually sent.

“For now?” the reply echoed, hopefully.

Yuzuru nodded tiredly, although he knew it could not be seen. Carefully, he edged out of camera view and then stood up abruptly, his back muscles protesting slightly from being bent down and twisted and then sharply stretched back. He stopped the camera, and picked up the phone.

“I will see if the video is good enough and then upload it”, Yuzuru typed.

“Fuck”, came the message. “Trust me, it’s more than good. I already came once, and was very close to coming a second time, when you decided to stop the party.”

Yuzuru laughed. The strange feeling, exciting but disquieting, was slowly fading and he was gradually coming back to himself. 

“Sorry”, he typed. “Maybe next time. I let you know.”


	4. Chapter 4

Javier browsed the comments to the video - Asian Male 3 - in which he played the unseen role of the guide, with a mixture of pride and jealousy. Predictably, the comments were mainly a bunch of poor horny bastards promising to do various creative things to the subject of the video if only they could lay their hands on him. Which they never would. Javier smirked. A few of the comments were in awe of the boy’s flexibility, marveling how he could reach behind him that much and asking if the position wasn’t uncomfortable. Yet a few others complained that the video was way too short and it stopped just when things were getting hotter. Javier clicked ‘like’ on those comments. Yes, that was Javier’s only complaint as well. What if he were to comment: “Are you afraid you’re gonna get a time deduction if you exceed 3 minutes?” But surely, the joke would fall flat on anyone who didn’t know about figure skating, which was roughly 90% of the population of the planet. Javier still chuckled to himself, shaking his head.

Someone wizzed past Javier, bringing him to awareness – and he clutched his phone defensively. He knew he shouldn’t look at that site at the rink, and if he was caught, there would be trouble, but the temptation was too high. Ever since last night, he could only think about that surreal _illicit_ interaction. Javier had never done that before, and was surprised to realize that it came with some pretty strong feelings on his part. And to think that it all started because he was desperate to get off. He had arrived at the rink preoccupied and couldn’t resist furtively checking the video again. _This part_ is where I told him to pour more lube, _here_ is where I encouraged him to go on.

Yuzuru stared at his rinkmate, disgruntled. Javier was looking at something on his phone with a silly smile, chuckling to himself, and paying him absolutely no mind. Yuzuru had even purposefully took off his outer layer of underarmour, a move which usually got Javier to stare at him, no matter which side of he rink he happened to be in at that moment, but now he did not even look up from his phone. Yuzuru rolled his eyes, a little put out, and skated deliberately to the opposite side of the rink. Nevermind Javier, he had plenty of people who wanted to watch him.

*

When Yuzuru got home, somewhat frustrated, despite a reasonably good practice, there was a private message from Sueño del sol:

“Congrats on your growing popularity! Anytime you want to continue our little scene, please let me know /wink”

A part of Yuzuru wanted to tell him to go to hell, even though the poor guy had no fault for Javi ignoring him today.

Another part of Yuzuru wanted to _show him._ To show off. To do something outrageous.

Well... even _more_ outrageous.

Quickly, and almost furiously he typed:

“Yes. Now. If you are available, tell me.” Then he turned and started rummaging in a secret place under his bed.

His phone pinged just as Yuzuru located the item he was looking for: a silicone purple dildo. He studied it for a few seconds, satisfied with how realistic it looked, and brushed his fingers softly along what looked like bulging veins. It had no vibrating function, but Yuzuru decided he didn’t need one for starters. The description of the product stated that the head of the makeshift cock was perfect for providing prostate pleasure and Yuzuru was quite eager to test that.

His thoughts were interrupted by his mother’s voice calling from downstairs:

“I’m going shopping, do you want anything?”

He bit back the first thought that came into his mind: “Yes, more lube.”

“No, thank you!” he called out.

Yuzuru picked up his phone, reading the message from “Sueño del Sol” (“I’m available!!”), and typed back:

“Mom is going shopping so I can do this in the room. Where should I do it? Also I have this –“ he took a picture of the dildo and attached it.

There was a silence, so prolonged that Yuzuru had time to worry. He studied the dildo again: was there anything wrong with it? Yuzuru did not think so, he had chosen it after a long search on various sites and in Yuzuru’s opinion, it was the best. It made him salivate just by looking at it.

And then it hit him – the unsolicited and frankly, _stupid_ , leak of personal information.

“Hey look, no-“, Yuzuru started to type, just as a private message finally came in:

“How old are you??!”

Yuzuru stared.

“It’s ok”, Yuzuru hurried to type. “I’m sorry!”

What was he apologizing to the guy for? He should apologize to himself for being so careless. He should apologize to his _mom_ , damn it.

Just on cue, his mother called out:

“Leaving now, be back soon!”

“Okay, bye, take care”, Yuzuru called back automatically, and gnawed on his fingernails nervously, as he read the latest reply from the Spanish guy:

“Are you living with your parents?? Are you underage? Just tell me the truth!”

“I live with mom but I am not underage. Please trust me”, Yuzuru typed, trying to sound confident and not make any mistakes in English. “I am sorry I mentioned mom.”

He settled for another long wait, but the reply came fairly fast:

“Well, if you say you aren’t, then I believe you. You just scared me, that’s all. And your living arrangements are your own business. I know this is not uncommon in Asian cultures.”

Yuzuru nodded, relieved.

“Thank you”, he typed back.

“No worries! Okay now about your toy: it looks fantastic! Wow! I’m surprised you want to try something like that so soon, cause yesterday it seemed like two fingers were too much, but I’m not complaining!”

“I can take it,” Yuzuru replied, a little affronted, sizing up the dildo as if it posed a challenge.

“That’s the spirit! I can’t wait to see that monster thing split your little hole.”

“So where should I do this? On the bed?”

“If you still don’t want to show your face, you can bend over the couch, or the bed, whichever is higher”

“Yes, I don’t want to show face. I will bend over the couch and put camera lower. Don’t worry, you will get good view.”

“Oh, I’m sure I will.”

They has some trouble with the camera placement because Javier claimed he could not see properly, while Yuzuru did not want to risk showing his face or even the back of his head.

Finally, Yuzuru decided to put the camera on the table and he placed a pillow over his head.

“Are you really that shy?” he was teased. “You don’t know me, so what if I see your face?

Yuzuru typed underneath the pillow:

“No. Stop asking.”

“I bet you’re cute. I just know you are. Literally every bit of you is cute, so your face must be, too.”

“maybe”, Yuzuru typed. “But you don’t get to see it.”

Then he started to open himself up on his fingers with an intent, almost business-like manner.

The phone pinged again:

“The bottle of lube seems almost empty.”

“There’s still some left”, Yuzuru typed, although he eyed the bottle doubtfully.

“It won’t be enough. Look – I’m horny and I can be selfish sometimes, so I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think we need to postpone this. “There isn’t enough lube to ease the way in for that monster dildo. And I don’t know you but it kinda looks to me like you’re in a weird mood today, like you want to prove something? I mean, you should want to do this because it’s fun, not for other reasons...”

“Stop telling me what I should and not do”, Yuzuru typed, with a frustrated huff.

He pulled his fingers out and rubbed them on the sheets. The bottle of lube was indeed almost empty and he had only managed three fingers, and it already hurt. He hated to admit it but the Spanish guy was right: There was no way he could take that huge dildo for the first time without lengthier preparation and he did not want to cause himself damage.

“Think about something else. No dildo but something else.”

“To put inside your ass, you mean?”

“No. No ass today. There is no more lube.”

“Well, I would like to see your face, but if that’s not on the table, maybe you can show me your nipples? I’ve only seen them once for two seconds in the first video.”

Yuzuru sighed. Carefully, he handled the camera with one hand, pointing it up close towards his chest. He used one finger to flick at a nipple, and then twisted the little bud between his fingers almost cruelly, in pure frustration, finding some relief in the sharp pain that followed.

“Aww! That hurt _me_ ”, came the message.

Yuzuru snickered, and sucked on a digit, then smeared the areola with saliva, easing the pain. He sighed again, this time in pleasure.

The Spanish guy was quiet – until:

“Move the camera up a bit.”

“Why?” Yuzuru frowned, as he typed.

“I want to see your neck.”

“But why?”

“Wait, there. What’s that? It’s a mark like...”

Yuzuru lowered the camera abruptly, then turned it off entirely.

The phone pinged immediately:

"Hey baby? Are you there? I lost connection."

Yuzuru ignored it.

“Idiot”, he told himself.

He had stupidly revealed something that he wasn’t ready to share.


	5. Chapter 5

Yuzuru had a secret. Well, _another_ secret.

One he considered more shameful than uploading videos of himself naked on porn hubs.

Sometimes he liked to tie a silk scarf, or even a medal cord, around his neck and _pull,_ applying pressure on the carotid arteries.

The material was not rough enough to cause harm, but the knot was tight enough so he could _feel it_. And Yuzuru felt it strongly, like a rush of blood to the head, the high of oxygen deprivation, the way his cock got hard and his toes curled.

He didn’t even think of it as something he did for erotic satisfaction, it was just something that he _did._ It was a solitary act – devoid of any fantasies, focusing only on the sensations.

It wasn’t something Yuzuru wanted to share – not with any faceless stranger on porn hubs. Maybe with a future partner who would be willing to assist him, and then Yuzuru could push the limits of what he wanted to explore, confident in his safety.

The mark was slight, a faint purple, adorning the lower part of his neck, almost faded, as Yuzuru had been too busy exploring other things to engage in this activity recently. Still it was telling, and Yuzuru should have hidden it with make up, like he always did during public appearances.

But then again he never thought he’d show his neck of all things.

The plan was to get the big dildo up his ass, but instead, he fumbled around like an idiot.

“I’m over this whole thing”, Yuzuru resolved, not for the first time. “I have more important things to do.”

*

Javier was usually late at the rink in the mornings, which meant that Yuzuru, who was early, was already on the ice by the time Javier got in. But this morning, Javier entered the locker room to find Yuzuru there, removing his street clothes. Yuzuru never took off all his clothes in the locker room. He wore his training clothes underneath the street clothes, and when he arrived at the club, he took them off; and then he left, he just put the street clothes back on. He never used the club showers. Javier had never seen the slightest glimpse of skin, except by sheer accident, and it didn’t look like he would see any today, either.

Javier greeted Yuzuru, brightly:

“Hey! Late today, as well?”

“Yeah”, Yuzuru mumbled, as he maneuvered his skates on and began tying them up at lightning speed.

Javier nodded, then turned around and started undressing. He didn’t notice the unnatural quietness until he turned around and caught an unexpected glimpse of Yuzuru staring at him, laces still around his fingers, as if frozen in the act. By then Javier was naked except for his boxers and Yuzuru’s intent stare made him feel strangely exposed and uneasy. But it didn’t last long, because when Javier turned around, Yuzuru lowered his eyes and blushed, then re-focused on lacing up his skates, tightening the knots almost furiously.

Javier wondered a little at Yuzuru’s uncharacteristic behaviour. If it were anyone else, Javier would toss a careless flirty remark, such as “Like what you see?” and think nothing of it. But with Yuzuru everything was so complicated and mysterious, and Javier sometimes felt like walking on egg shells around him, afraid of accidentally doing or saying the wrong thing. In the end, Javier decided to ignore it completely. Besides, his mind was preoccupied with another ‘Asian male’, a faceless one, but whose body starred in most of his fantasies recently. Javier turned around again, and made quick work of putting on his training clothes. By the time he finished, Yuzuru was already out the door.

Javier lingered for a while in the locker room to send another message to KSEX-4, even though the boy didn’t answer any of his previous ones, and would probably not answer this one either:

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have pushed. Please don’t be angry with me. I’m not going to judge you for anything. Whatever you want to show, it’s fine with me.”

Javier sighed, as predictably, there was no reply. He resolved again to take his mind off the boy altogether, but it was easier said than done.

The boy had been so strange yesterday, like he wanted to prove something. And then the unexpected reveal that he liked to play the choking game. Javier was familiar with that, although he had no interest in trying it himself. His own preferences were more run-of-the-mill. The boy was probably scared that Javier would judge his more exotic kinks, but who was Javier to judge? He briefly imagined putting that kink to good use by making the boy choke on his dick. But he could not imagine a face - was it so far-fetched to assume he might look a little bit like Yuzuru, from certain angles? - only a warm, welcoming mouth, and that smooth skin, those dark-pink nipples that the boy had twisted so fiercely. Javier wondered if the boy was into BDSM. The way he was being so rough on himself yesterday... He wondered if the boy liked it rough. Javier shook himself out of it, because he was beginning to feel the stirrings of arousal and he needed to get on the ice already.

And then suddenly, it dawned on him – the boy’s quick agreement to Javier’s guidance, the way he always seemed eager to please, to exceed expectations, the beautiful way he opened up on his fingers as Javier told him what to do, despite having not managed it alone. The boy was very much into being dominated. But it appeared that he was not aware of it himself; he was discovering it as he went along. Perhaps it was something he struggled with, something he wasn’t ready to accept? But his body told him differently, because he got off on it.

Javier took a deep breath, groaning slightly, because this was too good. But he had been stupid. Instead of ‘can you do this’ or ‘not that hard’ and meekly apologizing for pushing, he should have just been confident and firm in his requests. Sure, the boy had bitchily told Javier he should stop telling him what to do, but wasn’t he actually complaining of Javier’s boring, reasonable tone? He never complained the first time they had done this, just said that it was “too much”. But too much can mean too much good, too. Definitely too much good, since the next thing he decided to try was the monster dildo on an unprepared ass.

Javier picked up the phone. Not asking, telling. That’s what the boy needed from him.

“Tomorrow, you will go and buy a new bottle of lube. And then you will bend your pretty ass over for me and open yourself on your fingers and take that huge dildo in your little asshole like a good boy. And I’ll be watching you and imagining that I’m fucking you hard and deep with my big cock, okay, baby? Don’t let me down, I’ll be waiting xxx”

Was it too much? Javier cringed. He hoped firm requests and praises were mixed in proper amounts.

*

There was another message from the Spanish guy waiting for him, when Yuzuru finished practice. Yuzuru rolled his eyes. Couldn’t he take a hint? He opened it, his finger already hovering on the delete button. But once he read it, his finger dropped, and he went hot all over, almost dizzy. His breath came in short pants as he read that message again and again, several times. Then he swallowed hard, and typed a reply:

“maybe xxx”

*

Yuzuru was hard against the couch, unable to restrain his desperate mewling as his ass cheeks were split open and the dildo was slowly inserted inside. His hole felt stretched to the limit, to the point of pain and his insides were burning. He felt the lube dripping along his thighs, a wet, sticky feeling. He wiped his sweat with his free hand and pushed the hair out of his eyes. He felt like a mess, and yet he did not want to stop. Little by little, he would go until he impaled himself all the way.

As if reading his mind, the Spanish guy messaged:

“Slowly, there’s no need to rush. Let’s get that longer video done finally”

“h” Yuzuru typed with one hand, unable to contribute more to the discussion, then corrected it to “k”

“Your subscribers will thank me / smirk”

The messages were pouring in, Yuzuru reading them as if through a haze, barely focusing on the words.

“You’re doing so good, you’re so hungry for it, just let it own you.”

“How does it feel, losing your ass virginity?”

“You can take it all in, I bet”

“You’re so gorgeous, baby, I’m about to lose it”

Yuzuru imagined the man was stripping his cock furiously while he typed, as he enjoyed the show that Yuzuru was putting on for him. Yuzuru could not imagine the man’s face, but in his mind, his body looked like Javier’s, glimpsed recently in the locker room – he imagined a big strong hand like Javier’s rubbing a veiny cock as he watched Yuzuru split open by the monster dildo.

Yuzuru bit his lip as he tentatively pushed his ass back, feeling a deep satisfaction from the feeling of fullness as the dildo slipped further and further inside.

All of a sudden, he yelped, taken aback by a new and strange sensation. It wasn’t unpleasant, but Yuzuru jolted as if electrocuted and the dildo almost slipped out.

A knowing message waited for him as he recovered:

“You found your prostate, didn’t you? How does it feel?”

“strange”, Yuzuru answered, honestly. “idontknow yet”

“Take your time to explore it. Don’t abuse it. Just brush against it for starters.”

Yuzuru took a deep breath and tried to find that angle again. He couldn’t help jolting again when he found it, but this time he was expecting it so it was better. He frowned, as he fought the unfamiliar sensation, wiggling his ass uncomfortably. He couldn’t decide if it felt good. He changed the angle, and this time the dildo only slightly grazed the spot, and that made Yuzuru tingle.

“You like it, don’t you?”

Yuzuru moaned, without meaning to.

“Yeah, you love it, you little slut. You’ll be gasping for it in no time.” 

Yuzuru trembled. He felt like he was swimming in a world of pure sensuality, and he wanted to do more than just fuck himself, he wanted to lick and suck, or have someone lick him and suck him off. He spit into his free hand, and used his palm to give his cock a few vigorous strokes. With the other hand, he pushed the dildo in another inch.

“That’s right, go deeper, baby. The way your little ass swallows that big thing like it was made for it.”

Yuzuru took his hand off his cock, just so he could goad the man into more praises:

“Do you like it?” he typed.

“Fuck, yeah”, came the fast reply. “You’re so sexy, so hot, you drive me crazy.”

“How crazy?” Yuzuru pushed it, as he grinned. “Say in Spanish.”

“Dios mio. Muy loco. Te deseo para mi, quiero perforar tu pequeño culo yo mismo”

“What means?” Yuzuru typed, breathlessly, and then placed his hand back on his cock, shaking, very close to coming.

“I want to fuck your little ass with my cock, I want to own it.”

Yuzuru gave a little screech, and the dildo slipped inside almost all the way, his ass wiggling to accommodate it. He stripped his cock urgently, the feeling of fullness magnifying his arousal to almost unbearable levels. The Spanish man was quiet, perhaps similarly busy reaching his peak. Yuzuru bit into the couch, trying to muffle his scream as he came, spasmodically, ass clenching on the dildo, his seed spilling into his hand.

The intensity of his orgasm made him almost black out, and when he came to, he saw the message:

“Baby, this was the most fantastic sexual experience I’ve ever had. I don’t even know your name, but thank you, gorgeous stranger!

Oh, and when you post this video, please give it a more exciting title than ‘Asian Male’. Something like ‘Cute Asian twink takes monster dildo in his tiny asshole’. Trust me, it will go viral xxx”

*

Javier woke up the next day to a notification that KSEX-4 uploaded the video “Cute Asian boy takes monster dildo in his tiny asshole”, and he chuckled for a good thirty seconds. It looked like his day was off to a great start.

There were already a few comments, even though the video was barely posted a few minutes ago, probably from KSEX-4’s most faithful subscribers:

“fuck yeah i fking love this guy!!!!!!”

“Was this your first time taking a dildo? Next time try riding it”

“just perfect!! Extremely hot”

“i came when he came”

“that sweet white ass is just beggin for my BBC”

“this is goals man, i wish i could do that too one day”

“i want to play with you”

“excellent length and thickness to that dildo”

“he got it almost all the way in :O”

“what kind of dildo is that?”

“i’d like to see you wear black lace panties and push them aside to fuck yourself on that dildo keep up the good work sexy”

“remember how this guy started with a casual wank and now he’s taking monster dildo like a pro, good job dude!”

Javier laughed at how the comments ranged from envious about the dildo to envious about the ass that took the dildo, and left his own comment: “Me vuelves tan loco, hermosito xxx”


	6. Chapter 6

After that last successful experiment, Javier grew more confident, and it seemed to him that the Asian boy grew more confident, as well. They were also more relaxed with each other, and bolder in asking for what they wanted. In a sense, they were both discovering what they liked with their strange but exciting liaison. Javier was entirely new to the gay scene, and the Asian boy appeared to be just as inexperienced about sex in general, although eager to explore, and more convinced about his sexual orientation than Javier. About his sexual preference, Javier still harboured some doubts but did not lose much sleep over it. He did not go as far as to question his identity as a heterosexual man and somehow he still saw it all as ‘experimenting’.

On one momentous occasion, they experimented with shibari. It was the boy’s idea who had come across the technique and wanted to try it. While lamenting that it would be easier with a partner who did the tying, the boy eventually managed to create some beautiful knots and patterns. The cords hugged the blemish-free skin intimately like coiling red snakes, and squeezed possessively at the tight muscles, and Javier, fascinated with the aesthetics as much as he was aroused, took screenshots to preserve the memory. The boy was reluctant about posting that video, because he claimed there were others much more skilled and he was only a beginner, and had no partner to guide him. Javier had some convincing to do, but his praises eventually melted the boy into submission, and the video got posted. It got mixed reviews, and a great deal of people volunteering to do the tying up for him, while others argued they could do better, but the popularity of KSEX-4 was soaring. Many people started to wonder who was this amateur who appeared out of nowhere, seemed to be completely alone, never wanted to show his face, but showed an impressive dedication in posting the most delicious videos.

Javier did not share their curiosity. He suspected he and KSEX-4 shared a time zone, because the boy always cammed in the afternoons or early evenings, which suited Javier just fine. But he did not want to know any more about the boy. Their relationship was perfect just like this – a faceless tryst, where both of them got the most satisfaction, with the least emotional involvement.

But even so, Javier had to admit – it was addictive. His thoughts were trailing, more often than not, to the boy’s latest video, or to the new things they might still explore, because the boy had never so far refused him.

Javier started to become distracted during practice, making mistakes because he lacked focus and motivation. Brian repeatedly asked him what was wrong, only for Javier to make up some lame excuse, such as the flu and being under the weather, which only made Brian more exasperated with him.

Javier’s relationship with Yuzuru also began to get more strained. They used to always greet each other, and use any excuse for physical closeness, always aware of each other’s presence in the rink, but now they drifted apart, without even a single look throughout practice. Yuzuru seemed absorbed, as well – which nobody questioned because he was Yuzuru, but with Javier, who was usually overwhelmingly social, the change was much more glaring.

*

More than a month had passed since Javier first saw the first video of KSEX-4 which started everything between them. Their live-camming was initiated by either of the two of them, and more often than not, the other one agreed immediately. Today it was Javier who initiated, by a cheeky PM with sword and eggplant emojis:

“let this be the hour when we draw swords together?”

A series of confused emojis answered him.

“Nevermind, I was just trying to make a dumb joke. Are you up for camming?”

“Yes. Soon. I tell you when.”

“Okey-dokey!” Javier typed back, then worried he came across as childish, and made a comeback: “My cock is already looking forward to it.”

The reply was surprising:

“Let me see.”

Javier ogled at the message for a few seconds. Was he being asked for dick pics? But after all, it was only fair, the boy had shown so much of himself, and Javier had shown nothing. He would oblige. Tentatively, he pushed his pants and boxers down, and took out his cock, stroking it a little for good measure. He took a picture of it, and attached it, with the message: “This is just the ‘before’. If you’re a good boy, you’ll get one at full mast. The ‘after’ comes when I do /wink”

“Nice”, came the reply. “How can I be good boy today?”

“Can you show me your face?”

“No.”

It was like a ritual with them by now, Javier had to at least try, but wasn’t too bummed at receiving a negative reply.

“Then let’s do what I initially suggested. Let’s jack off together. And I want to see you playing with your cute nipples while you touch your cock. Okay, baby boy?”

“yes xxx”, came the reply.

“lovely xxx”

They started, and Javier kept his promise of sending a dick pic when he was fully erect, and had the satisfaction of seeing the boy increase the pace of his hand on his own cock. Javier’s eyes wandered up and down that beautiful body, like they did the very first time he had seen it, taking in the the toned abs, the small waist, the shapely hips, the cock which made his mouth water. For the first time in his life, Javier thought that he wouldn’t mind giving a blow job, he would swallow that cock greedily and milk it dry.

“You’re so beautiful”, he typed with one hand.

A slight broken groan answered him, but no message.

“Why are you always so quiet?” Javier typed. “Let me at least hear you better, if I can’t see your face.”

“Mom downstairs”, came the cold-shower reply.

Javier rolled his eyes. He had forgotten about that.

“Rub your nipples more. I know you like that. They’re so sensitive, aren’t they?”

The boy complied, but it somehow wasn’t enough for Javier.

“Pinch them,” he directed.

The boy gave one of the nubs a delicate pinch.

“Harder,” Javier goaded, wishing he could be there to show him how.

The boy pinched the nipple until it blushed a satisfying shade of furious red, then let it go.

_Fuck yeah_ , Javier reacted, but it still wasn’t enough. 

“Still harder”, he typed. “Give them a twist.”

The boy’s hand hovered over his chest, as if hesitating.

“Come on, you’ve done it before,” Javier insisted.

The boy grabbed both nubs between the tips of his fingers and twisted them until Javier cringed, sympathy mixing with raw satisfaction at seeing the boy obey his command.

“Ah yeah, that’s it. Did it hurt? It looked great, though!”

*

Yuzuru’s eyes filled with tears at the sharp nipple twist he gave himself, while mindlessly obeying the indications he received. For a second, the pain brought him to a reality where he wasn’t horny and caught up in this game. What was he doing? Why was he so driven to do whatever the stranger was telling him, wasn’t it humiliating to act like a puppet for someone’s pleasure? Except his own erection told him otherwise. He had almost expected it wilt from the pain, but glancing down, he saw that he was still just as hard. He felt oversensitive all over, his body tingling and hot as the pain faded to leave a rush of pleasant endorphins in its wake.

Suddenly, Yuzuru wanted something else. He wanted to be _touched,_ and handled and made to come. But as he could only rely on his own imagination for that, his mind craved for a familiar intense high. The hand not stripping his cock drifted in search of his silk scarf, hanging innocently on the back of a chair.

*

Javier was so absorbed in what the boy was doing that he forgot to jack off, and instead stared in sheer curiosity. The boy looped the silk scarf around his neck several times, and grabbed the ends firmly. Javier watched the Adam’s apple bob up and down and then become swallowed by the material – it was prominent, which was at odds with the boy’s twinkish appearance; unexpectedly, Javier was reminded of Yuzuru. Then Javier’s thoughts fled, replaced only by shock, as the boy’s hands tightened on the ends, and they _pulled_ until the knuckles whitened.

_Jesus Christ_ , Javier whispered. He wasn’t sure if he liked what he saw, but it was intense. His heart was hammering in his chest. He didn’t know if he should say anything. ‘Be careful’ sounded trite, surely? The boy’s sharp collarbones seemed to protrude even further at the pressure, and the lower body leapt forward, as if in a convulsion. The boy’s cock curved towards his belly, rock hard and leaking. All of a sudden, the boy’s hands loosened abruptly, and he slumped forward, coughing, dangerously close to revealing himself fully on camera. Javier got a glimpse of a shock of unruly black hair, then the boy sank out of sight, on the floor, gasping.

Javier stood up in alarm, just as the camera blacked out.

He grabbed his phone:

“Are you ok?? That was so dangerous! Please tell me it’s fine!”

After a few seconds, a reply came:

“I’m ok, it’s fine.”

Javier exhaled in relief.

“Good”, he typed back. He didn’t assume the boy would be up for anything more tonight, but he was proven wrong:

“Camera back on soon. You still owe me the after pic.”

Javier chuckled incredulously.

When the camera was turned back on, the boy presented his neck proudly. A vivid red mark was adorning the neck like a morbid necklace. The boy smeared it with saliva, making it glisten.

Javier frowned. Decidedly, he couldn’t find it erotic. He felt strangely disturbed and disgruntled at the boy’s smooth skin being defiled in this way.

But he was quickly distracted. The boy lowered the camera back to his midsection and resumed tugging at his cock, smearing the tip with precum. His other hand played with his balls, as he spread his legs wide apart indulgently, his big powerful thighs on full display.

Javier wanted to knead them, and lick them, and possibly sink his teeth into them too. His hand moved faster as he imagined burying himself between those thighs, pushing them apart for better access, as he licked and sucked at the boy’s cock and balls, and then at his hole.

His climax caught him entirely by surprise, and he groaned as he spilled in his hand. Keeping his promise to KSEX-4, he took a picture and sent it.

“This is for you. I wish I could rub it on the inside of your thighs instead.”

The boy increased his pace as well, presumably having seen the picture and the message, and soon his cock spurted as well. Javier watched as the fingers traced the semen onto the thighs, smearing them with the white viscous fluid.

“Like this?” came the message.

Javier sighed, happily.

“Yes, like this. So gorgeous, baby boy xxx”

A sudden irrational thought struck him. It was silly, but he needed to know:

“Hey, are you doing this kind of thing with anyone else? You know, live camming and stuff?”

“No. Only you,” came the answer and Javier sighed again, this time in pure relief. He had no idea why that would even matter to him, since everyone else got to see the very same videos anyway, even if Javier got a brief headstart. But he felt very satisfied with the boy’s answer.

*

The second day at the rink, Javier was furtively checking the latest comments on KSEX-4’s video, a rather tame one compared to some of the other ones, with the usual strange mix of emotions - exhilaration, amusement, jealousy, and a somewhat misguided possessiveness. He was so caught up in it, that he did not notice Yuzuru approaching around the corner, similarly distracted, his earphones on as he was humming to himself. They bumped into each other, and Javier almost dropped his phone, while Yuzuru took his earphones out of his ears in a rush, and began to apologize.

“It’s fine!” Javier hurried to say. “It’s my fault, I was looking at my phone, I’m sorry. Are you okay?

“Yes, I’m ok, I’m very sorry!” Yuzuru repeated, almost dropping his earphones and blushing.

Javier reached a hand to catch the falling earphones and his eyes landed on the small print on the earbuds as he handed them back to Yuzuru: “KSE1500”. He frowned, and his world seemed to tilt, as a weird feeling of deja vu gripped him. He frowned. _KSEX-4_ went through his mind automatically. It was the only ‘name’ he had for the boy, since he refused to tell Javier his first name, and Javier did not insist. Javier shook his head ruefully, feeling a little like the universe was playing a prank on him.

“That’s a good brand, isn’t it?” he asked Yuzuru, just to shake off the uncanny feeling that got a hold of him. 

But Yuzuru said nothing, instead his hand trembled nervously as he shoved the earphones deep into his pockets, while his eyes flitted to Javier’s anxiously.

And suddenly, far from being reassured, Javier became _alarmed._

He looked Yuzuru over like he had never seen him before.

No, No, No. It couldn’t be, he was going crazy!

Surely too much porn made people go mad.

_But the earphones! The time zone!_ His mind screamed at him. _His unique body proportions!_

There was only one way to tell.

Javier grabbed Yuzuru by the wrist and dragged him the few paces into the locker room which was mercifully empty. Yuzuru appeared stunned and put up no resistance. Once they were inside, Javier grabbed at the high collar of Yuzuru’s training gear, and pulled it down to reveal his neck.

There, across _Yuzuru’s_ neck – the red mark like an unholy necklace, just as Javier remembered seeing it last night on camera.

Javier swayed on his feet, as his world collapsed on itself.


	7. Chapter 7

The silence stretched in the locker room, as Yuzuru and Javier stared at each other, Javier’s hand still clutching the material of Yuzuru’s shirt. Yuzuru stood rooted to the spot, as if frozen, his breath coming in short, shallow gasps, for once at a loss on how to react. His eyes were round with shock and a deep blush was spreading over his face, the tell-tale mark of shame and humiliation.

Although not the one who put himself up naked on display, Javier felt similarly exposed and humiliated – his shameful desire was now out in the open, all those _things_ he said, all his dirty requests and praises, his head was still reeling with all the implications of this sudden knowledge.

And his obsessive lust for his rinkmate – now revealed beyond a doubt.

Unthinkingly, Javier placed his broad palm over the bruise on Yuzuru’s neck. He pressed on it as if he wanted to make it go away. The flesh felt hot under his palm, the skin tender and the exposed neck looked fragile and vulnerable.

Yuzuru flinched at the skin-on-skin contact, but did not retreat.

Javier could feel his pulse beating wildly underneath his palm. He squeezed, unthinkingly.

In the heavy silence of the room, Yuzuru’s answering groan was barely audible, verging on a sigh.

Javier pulled his hand back, as if burned.

“¿Cómo es esto posible?” Javier muttered under his breath. “How could you do this? You – of all people, doing these... estas cosas...” He didn’t even know if he was speaking to himself or Yuzuru, muttering like a madman, half in English, half in Spanish.

“How about things that you did?” Yuzuru hissed, answering the accusation with another.

“I didn’t know it was you!” Javier blurted out. “Dios mio! If I had known...”, he trailed off, but Yuzuru’s eyes darkened with hurt upon hearing that.

“Well, now you know!” Yuzuru answered bitterly, and crossed his arms defensively over his chest, refusing to meet Javier’s eyes.

“Now I know,” Javier repeated, feeling burdened with the knowledge already. Everything seemed wrong. He studied Yuzuru, who seemed to be in defensive mode, like he wanted to shield himself from Javier’s gaze. So it was okay with Yuzuru to reveal himself shamelessly to a stranger – but not once that stranger was revealed to be Javier. The implied rejection stung Javier more than anything, and doused the anger he felt at the perceived injustice of his fate, like a cold shower on his inflamed senses.

He took a few steps back, then turned on his heels and hurried out of the locker room, as if his own guilty conscience was chasing him.

*

After Javier’s hasty retreat, Yuzuru felt the walls of the locker room close in on him.

He sat down, head in his hands and tried to gather his thoughts.

The crazy thing was that, while Yuzuru did “estas cosas”, he liked to imagine that it _was_ Javier on the other side of the screen, the Spanish serving to enhance that fantasy, and that added significantly to his arousal. But now, knowing that it _was_ indeed Javier, he was frightened. The fantasy was only good while it was a fantasy, free of rules and consequences – Yuzuru was not ready for the judging words, the resentment, and the damage to their relationship that might follow – he had already got the first taste of that, and it hurt.

The bare fact that Javier _knew_ branded Yuzuru with a guilty shame and humiliation – he felt cheated and used, even though he knew he only had himself to blame. But absurdly, Yuzuru felt like Javier had used him by not telling him that he was Javier – although Yuzuru had used a similar deception. But Yuzuru was the one who showed so much of himself, while Javier reciprocated with only a few dick pics. The fact that Javier took enjoyment from seeing those videos and goaded him into doing and showing more, only made Yuzuru feel more cheap. He realized now how impersonal it all was. Javier’s words rang in his ears: “I didn’t know it was you! .... If I had known...” If he had known, then he would have withheld the goading and praises, which Yuzuru was so weak to, which had made him feel so special?

Yuzuru wanted to cry.

And take several cleansing showers.

And then possibly cry some more.

His little game had backfired in the strangest of ways.

Slowly, he gathered his earphones in his pockets – looks like _someone_ did break the code after all – and then set about the painstaking business of going back to train with Javier as if nothing had happened.

*

When Javier arrived home that evening, he checked the porn hub out of habit, before he remembered. Amid the stronger emotions, he briefly felt sad that a source of fun in his life had been abruptly obliterated. He noticed that KSEX-4 had blocked him, and snorted.

_As if_ – Javier muttered, then set out to make a new account and subscribe again, if only to check if any new videos got posted. He was briefly surprised that Yuzuru did not delete his account altogether. But on reflection, Javier realized that he wouldn’t have done such a thing: Yuzuru was a narcissist. Surely he got off from all the public praises he received – just like he got off from Javier’s private ones. Maybe now he would find someone else to do this with, someone to play Javier’s role, and continue his secret porn star business. Javier was enraged and embittered by that thought.

_I don’t care, fuck him._

Except that had been the problem in the first place.

Javier had wanted to fuck him.

This is why he started to look up sordid videos on porn hubs in the first place, and in his “luck”, he happened to find the _substitute_ which satisfied him the most, and which turned out to be _the real thing._

It could have been funny, except Javier didn’t feel like laughing.

He felt like the universe played a big tasteless joke on him, an ugly prank.

_I just need time to get over this. It will be fine_ , he repeated to himself, like a mantra. _It will be fine._

Except Javier was now profoundly aware of how Yuzuru’s beautiful body looked like naked, he had an intimate knowledge of it. He had stared at it – unknowing of course, of the fact that it was Yuzuru’s – just as much as he had stared at his sweet face when he thought it was the only thing he would ever get to see. How could he ever recover from this knowledge, and most of all – how he could piece the two together? It was unthinkable. Yuzuru – the one who shoved that huge dildo up his asshole like a dirty slut ... the one who exposed himself to strangers like that ... being told what to do by an unknown man and getting off on it? Yuzuru - who liked to tie a cord around his neck until he almost passed out – no no _No_ , it was unthinkable. Javier was going crazy. He wanted to pack and leave, and never see Yuzuru again. It felt strange to admit it to himself, but it felt like, for him, Yuzuru was now somehow tainted, irredeemably. Their beautiful relationship – precariously balanced and poised between friendship, longing and delicate angst, was ruined forever. Javier’s mind wandered to a random moment in their past, when Yuzuru was barely 18 and they played around, mimicking hanging themselves with Javier’s La Liga scarf. Did Yuzuru practice the choking game even back then? Javier shuddered. Decidedly, every moment in their shared past was now tainted by this knowledge. 

*

Once the initial shock had passed, Javier was seized with a new madness. Every past illicit encounter was now coloured by the knowledge that the boy was Yuzuru, giving it an added dose of perverse pleasure and curiosity.

One day while he was browsing through the pictures on his phone, Javier came upon the screenshots he took of the boy tied up in intricate red knots. He studied the photos with a new interest, the smooth skin encircled by the strings wound tight, coiling possessive around the tempting curves, and felt again the stirrings of arousal. He briefly imagined his own hands securing the strings around _Yuzuru_ ’s body, and had to close his eyes, overwhelmed.

He wondered about Yuzuru’s own thoughts and feelings as he did those things to himself, about the pleasure he must have felt and the reasons why he was doing them.

_He’s an attention-seeking whore,_ a part of Javier’s mind proposed, still resentful. _He exposes himself to strangers for the fun of it._

But there was another part of Javier which was endeared by Yuzuru’s obvious praise kink, of how he wanted to _do the very best_ , even under these circumstances. That was _so Yuzuru._

And Javier remembered little personal things, whose meaning, in hindsight, revealed itself in different ways. Yuzuru saying he did not reply to PMs but “maybe” he, Javier, was special – what had made him reply to Javier of all people? Yuzuru’s confession that he was gay but it was “complicated” – Javier’s heart squeezed a little at that because now he had an idea just how complicated it all was. The talk about living with his mother – Javier almost howled with embarrassment as he realized that Yumi was no more than a few feet away while those steamy videos were getting made. Yuzuru’s request to Javier to “say it in Spanish” and Javier doing just that, confessing how much he wanted to fuck that tight little ass with his own cock, and how those words had made Yuzuru come.

And that – Javier realized – was definitely part of why he was now so hot and bothered. The knowledge that this anonymous physical tryst which was pleasurable but easy to dismiss, had obtained a personal hue. Javier had seen Yuzuru in so many compromising positions, but an essential element still escaped him – he never got to see Yuzuru’s face in the throes of pleasure.

The idea began to obsess him.

He began to watch Yuzuru furtively in practice. His eyes were undressing him now with practiced ease, knowing what they’d find underneath. The only thing which remained a mystery was how his sweet face looked like when he was fucking himself into oblivion or bringing himself off. Would he bite those lips raw? Would he close his eyes? Would his features twist, as he gasped in pleasure? What sounds would he make, if he were to really let go?

The more the enforced distance between them persisted, the more clinically curious Javier became about these things.

There was no blocking Yuzuru from his mind – except to Javier, Yuzuru had now lost forever his ‘untouchable quality’, slipping from the sacred into the profane.

Then one day, Javier decided to risk it. Their relationship was ruined anyway. They were anything but friends these days, more like distantly polite and awkward strangers.

It was difficult for Javier to find a way to approach him because Yuzuru was avoiding him like the plague.

And one day, he saw his chance when the locker room emptied, except for Yuzuru who was hastily putting on his street clothes to leave.

“Let’s have one last video”, Javier told him, abruptly. “I want to see your pretty face when you get off.”

Yuzuru stared at him with the look of a wild, cornered beast.

“Are you crazy?” he asked, in a low voice, looking around in panic, afraid people might have overheard.

“Yes”, Javier nodded, and gathering all his courage, he took a step forward in Yuzuru’s space, his palm moving to cup his face, in a tender but firm caress: “Me vuelves tan loco, Yuzuru.”


	8. Chapter 8

Yuzuru leaned into Javier’s palm, unconsciously seeking out the heat of him.

Javier maneuvered his other hand around his waist, and coaxed him closer. Yuzuru went with a sigh, touch-starved and craving contact.

From up close, Yuzuru could smell Javier’s aftershave and he could feel the warmth radiating from him. Javi was always so warm.

The hand that cupped his jaw moved to the back of his head, directing Yuzuru’s gaze upwards.

“So when shall we do this?” Javier murmured, fingers caressing at Yuzuru’s scalp, like he would pamper a cat.

“Do....?”

“What I suggested.”

Yuzuru frowned slightly, and pulled back a little.

“I’m sorry, Javi, I don’t want to do this. It’s weird for me now.”

He was a little hurt at Javier asking this of him like it was _nothing,_ after weeks of ignoring him. Even though Yuzuru had also kept his distance, and barely dared to look Javier in the eye these days. It was too awkward. And now Javier just casually asking this – why? Was this Javier’s way of making up, of letting Yuzuru know that he doesn’t have a problem with this? His thoughts were interrupted when Javier spoke up:

“Why is it weird now? It wasn’t weird before?”

“Before I was anonymous”, Yuzuru explained the obvious. “That’s why I didn’t have a problem.”

“But I already know it’s you. I was shocked in the beginning too. Really, I think we may have over-reacted. It’s an awkward situation, of course but....it was also pretty fun, wasn’t it? I don’t know for you but....for me it was.”

“It was fun, but now all the fun is gone. Sorry, Javi. It’s all wrong.”

“Come on, Yuzu. You never refused a request so far. And I know you liked being told what to do”, Javier said, with a slight smile. “I know a lot about you now”, and, despite Javier’s intention, that sounded vaguely threatening to Yuzuru.

“Javi, you don’t....”, Yuzuru started, then stopped himself. Did Javier mean “ _I know a lot about you now and I can expose you and ruin your career_ ”, or this was just Yuzuru’s guilty conscience assuming that, and if he said it out loud, he might even give Javier some ideas?

“ _I’ll always be your friend, Yuzu_ ”, Javier had once said to him. But was this still true? Yuzuru stared at Javier, trying to read him, the meaning behind his carefree smirk, his open demeanour. There was a lot of trust between them once, but did Yuzuru unwittingly ruin that?

“Why would you want to see my face?” Yuzuru asked, carefully. “I thought you didn’t like the fact that it was me.”

Javier chuckled heartily, throwing his head back.

“No, no, Yuzu, you got it all wrong. Hmm, how to explain. I love and hate the fact that it was you. It’s both my greatest fantasy and my biggest nightmare. Do you understand? No, of course you don’t. Let me say it this way: my dick really likes that it was you. But my head is thinking: now why would the lovely, clever, talented and precious Yuzuru slut around on a porn hub for all the perverts of the world to leer at and wank to?”

Yuzuru considered this.

“It’s my business what I do”, he finally replied, affronted.

Javier nodded quickly, palms raised upwards, as if granting that wholeheartedly:

“Of course, of course! You do what you want.”

“So dick likes, and head doesn’t like?”

“Something like that. That’s simplifying it a little, because....really, it’s complicated, Yuzu. But basically, yeah, that’s it.”

“So when you ask this, one last video of me, it is dick talking, yes?”

Javier snorted.

“Well....erm, how to say? Dick and head reached a compromise”, he chuckled, eyes twinkling. “I mean, damage is already done so...”

The corners of Yuzuru’s mouth turned down at that.

“Damage”, he mouthed the word he found hurtful.

Javier poked at Yuzuru’s cheek, like one would try to cheer up a troubled child.

“Don’t be sad, it’s true, we both took some damage. But it’s okay. It will be okay...”

“What about heart?” Yuzuru asked, suddenly. “Does heart say anything about this?” he added quietly, his ears burning, dreading the answer.

Javier’s smile faded.

“Yuzu....”, he answered on a low, serious voice, as he started to caress Yuzuru’s smooth cheek again. A chastising note crept in as he continued: “How can you ask me this, now, in this situation, after you ... after all this?”

Yuzuru shook his head.

“It’s just not fair, Yuzu”, Javier went on. “Do you understand?”

An uneasy silence, in which Yuzuru kept on shaking his head, now staring resolutely down, at the well-scrubbed floor of the locker room.

Javier sighed.

“Look, it’s just too much. I feel like....”, he made a random gesture. “God it’s all so... You already have too much power over me, you’re the one who took your clothes off but I feel like I was the one who laid myself bare to you.”

“Just because you liked what you saw? Lots of people liked.”

“I did more than like, I talked to you, I urged you to try new things, I told you everything I felt, how _you_ made me feel.”

Javier’s voice dropped slightly – a low, secretive confessional, and Yuzuru basked in the intimate tone that finally – _finally_ recalled the manner of the Spanish man who made Yuzuru so eager to engage.

“You told me many beautiful things”, Yuzuru went on, on an aggrieved tone, as if expecting Javier to take them all back.

“And I meant them, I really did. You were amazing, a dream come true.”

And now it was Yuzuru who slid deliberately closer, as Javier looked down, contrite and hesitating – Yuzuru who cupped Javier’s face and stared him down, with an intent look on his face:

“I’m right here, Javi”, he whispered against his lips.

*

But Javier panicked. Under Yuzuru's intense gaze, he froze, then went hot all over. He felt more bare and exposed than ever – his thoughts and feelings all laid out for Yuzuru to feast on. Denying Yuzuru his heart felt like self-preservation to him at this point, but wasn’t that a done deal already? Wasn’t he already so weak to those eyes, and to the soul that sparkled behind those eyes? He wavered, suddenly taken aback by their physical closeness. Yuzuru's lips as they formed Javi's name were impossibly close, full and tempting under Javier's fixed gaze.

_What did Yuzuru want?_

No, Javier wasn't ready for what Yuzuru seemingly offered - so close and beautiful and earnest and everything that Javier dreamed about at night. So he took a few panicked steps back, almost flailing, in his attempt to escape.

“I’m sorry”, he mumbled, avoiding Yuzuru’s gaze. “You were right, this is all wrong. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have. Please,” he made a vague gesture, “let’s forget about all this.”

*

If practice was awkward before, now it became unbearable. Yuzuru and Javier were keeping to different sides of the rink, not even looking at each other.

Brian, who had noticed for a while that something was wrong, was at the end of his wits because none of his students could enlighten him on the reason for their sudden avoidance.

“You can’t train like this. It’s affecting you mentally,” he said, trying to be reasonable.

“I will lock you in a room together to get your issues sorted”, he threatened.

“If something is the matter, you need to tell me and we’ll sort it out together”, he tried to negotiate.

“This Plushenko-Yagudin shtick doesn’t look good on you, just so you know”, he joked, with pretend carelessness.

None of his tactics worked, as both Yuzuru and Javier claimed everything was fine and remained tight-lipped about the reasons for their cold behaviour towards each other. And the worst thing was that it was indeed affecting both their training.

*

Yuzuru was undressing in front of him – well, in front of everyone in the locker room, really, but Javier couldn’t help thinking that this was meant for _him_ , and he was almost tempted to look away, as if seeing something illicit.

Yuzuru dragged his tight blouse over his head, the fabric briefly catching around his forehead, messing up his hair as it was pulled off. Next the t-shirt underneath was removed, with similar brusqueness, tousling the hair even more. And finally the other t-shirt, clinging to his sweaty skin directly, was peeled off.

It didn’t reveal anything that Javier wasn’t familiar with already, but he was struck by the display because it happened directly in front of him, and Yuzuru had never, ever, done this before.

Javier wasn’t deceived by Yuzuru’s apparent lack of concern.

This was a challenge, and it was meant for him.

Javier felt uneasy, but it was only the beginning.

That evening, Javier received a notification: A new video was uploaded by KSEX-4. Javier felt cold sweat down his spine even before he opened it, and a strange ache in his chest.

The video left him speechless.

Yuzuru was wearing a black masquerade eye mask, that looked straight out of some gothic carnival. It had with upturned corners which looked like wings or cat ears. He was naked except for a pair of waist black lace panties, which he took his time to model for the camera, both front and back. They hugged his waist and curves sinfully, striking against the whiteness of his skin.

Javier was already gaping incredulously at the screen, but was even more startled when he heard Yuzuru actually _speak –_ in a low, if slightly hesitant voice.

“Someone asked in a comment for black lace panties”, he said. “Do you like it?”

Yuzuru blinked coyly behind the mask, shiny lips twisting in a smile. It looked to Javier like he was wearing lipgloss.

He picked up the big dildo and played with it around his fingers, and then, staring at the camera, he gave it a delicate lick.

“I did wash this, you know”, he offered to the camera, and giggled. “So many asked to see my face, so here it is. At least part of face.”

He licked a finger, and trailed it along his collarbone and then down his stomach. Then he traced his visible bulge which strained against the black lace panties, teasingly. Javier made a strangled helpless noise.

On screen, Yuzuru giggled again, a little nervously.

“Many of you ask to meet me. And... I am lonely... so maybe I want to meet. I decided I will meet if you can guess meaning of my nickname. PM me if you know.”

Still teasing himself with one hand, Yuzuru picked up the dildo with the other.

“I never do this before, and I’m curious how it feels”, he explained, before he opened his mouth wide and attempted to take the huge dildo deep inside his mouth, his lips stretched against the girth.

Javier was reluctantly impressed by how much Yuzuru could fit inside his mouth and by how determined he was: even though he had to pull back several times to cough, he just went back at it undeterred.

However, Yuzuru’s earlier words bothered him and distracted him.

Frowning, Javier opened the PM box.

“Nickname is earphone brand”, he wrote to KSEX-4.

A reply came back before Javier could finish watching the video:

“TWO earphone brands, actually, but well done! o(^▽^)o But you’re late, someone was faster, and I’m already having a date! Thank you for watching my videos though! xxx”

Javier stood up abruptly:

“What??!” he shouted at the empty room. “Fucking hell, Yuzu! A date with who, the truck driver? How irresponsible.... unbelievable...”, he muttered as he picked up his phone. “I should call his mother.”

On the screen, Yuzuru was using the dildo to tease himself gently, panties pulled aside just so, exposing the small rosy hole that was well-lubed and waiting to be filled.

Javier bit his lip to the point of pain, torn between bitter jealousy, actual worry and his stubborn pride. He bypassed Yumi’s number, and called Yuzuru’s number instead.

But there was no answer. Javier called again, and again. Five times he called and each time it went to voicemail. The last time, Javier left a message, throwing all pride to the wind, and uncaring of the fact that he was revealing himself to Yuzuru, who would just probably block his new account as well:

“Yuzuru, I hope you know what you’re doing”. Javier's tone was injured, righteous and just this side of annoyed. “I know it’s not my business, but you’re smarter than this, damn it!”

He disconnected the call before his anger could explode, and kicked savagely at his chair, knocking it over with a satisfying noise.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys! Sorry for the long wait! Hope you're doing fine! <3

The man was wearing a t-shirt which stated “I like big trucks and I cannot lie”. He was a big man, handsome, bulky and rugged, his movements intent and confident as he approached Yuzuru’s table. Forgoing the chair, he took a seat next to Yuzuru on the bench, turned towards him and smiled blindingly.

“I’m very happy you wanted to meet, I’ll make it worth your while. When you ignored my comment on your first video, I thought you weren’t interested.”

“You commented on my first video?” Yuzuru repeated dumbly.

“Sure. On every video. I told you the location wasn’t a problem, because I’m a truck driver and I can make it anywhere, so just tell me where and when, if you wanna meet.”

“Oh”, Yuzuru replied. He couldn’t remember any comment like this. Changing the subject, he said: “You know a lot about earphones.”

The man brightened further:

“Yeah! I love all kinds of audio devices. If I weren’t a truck driver, I’d probably be a sound technician.”

“Me too! I mean if I weren’t ... a student.”

“Oh, cool, what do you study?”

“Cognitive science.”

“Sounds very smart. I did a stint of engineering before I decided I didn’t care for my parents’ plans for my life so I basically ran away from home.”

“I’m sorry to hear that”, Yuzuru said. “Your parents didn’t approve...?” he asked, not finishing the sentence and letting the man pick up, which he readily did:

“Yeah, they didn’t approve of my lifestyle, they wanted me married with 2.5 children and living the American dream. But my American dream is to ride big trucks and meet cute boys.”

He winked at Yuzuru and grinned.

“So you ran?” Yuzuru asked, after acknowledging the compliment with a slight smile.

“Yeah. Worked all sorts of odd jobs for a while, before I landed the perfect one.” He shrugged. “Guess I’m still running ever since.”

“I’m sorry”, Yuzuru repeated.

“I’m not”, the man replied, shrugging again, carelessly. His smile turned flirtatious. “Because I got to meet you. Enough about me now, tell me about yourself.”

“Um –“, Yuzuru started. “Well...”

“If you don’t want to, that’s fine. Maybe you also have parents who disapprove of things. Since you’re gorgeous, I imagine it wouldn’t be too difficult to find a boyfriend, right? Except you don’t want your parents to know?”

“Something like this”, Yuzuru answered. “I have responsibilities.”

The man nodded.

“But you also have things you want for yourself, right?” he murmured, as he ran a hand through Yuzuru’s hair with unexpected gentleness.

The touch was surprising in its familiarity but not unwelcome.

Yuzuru laughed nervously.

“I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s Jeremy. Jem.”

“Hi, Jem. I’m Yuzu.”

“Very nice to meet you, Yuzu. I like you very much.”

“I ... like you too”, Yuzuru admitted. The man was straightforward, and seemed rather charming, so Yuzuru was not opposed at all to seeing more of him and talking about their favourite earphones.

Jem seemed to take Yuzuru’s words as an incentive so he leaned in for a kiss. Yuzuru was entirely unprepared for the bold move, so he just let it happen unthinkingly. Jem took control of the kiss immediately, deepening it with confidence. Yuzuru could feel the foreign tongue slithering into his mouth insistently, pervasively, quickly crossing the line from seductive to lust-driven and sleazy. It was invasive and bold, as if to make up for Yuzuru’s momentary lack of engagement. Slightly nauseated, Yuzuru pulled back and turned his head, panting to regain his breath. Jem did not register the movement as a rejection and his lips descended to Yuzuru’s neck, leaving more slobbering kisses. One hand traveled down Yuzuru’s body to cup his crotch under the table, and Yuzuru startled. He hadn’t even realized he was hard – Jem moaned approvingly and squeezed at him, starting to rub him through his pants. It felt strange, but good, and Yuzuru was getting harder still under Jem’s expert handling.

There was a discrete cough, followed by a pointedly polite voice saying:

“Excuse me, would you like to order now?”

Yuzuru reddened, and pushed Jem away, who peeled himself from Yuzuru, grinning.

“Sure. Yuzu, what will you have?”

*

Javier couldn’t stay still. He wondered if Yuzuru was really going out on a date tonight, or just said so to rile him up, guessing that it was him. And now he was ignoring his calls for the same purpose.

He knew the logical thing would be to wait until tomorrow, and confront Yuzuru at the club. But what if it was _too late_? Javier felt that he couldn’t wait, jealousy and anxiety eating at him in equal measure. He dreaded the date going well as much as he dreaded it going bad.

Javier couldn’t take it anymore. He had to do something. He had to know.

He thought for a moment, then he picked up the phone again, and called Yuzuru’s mother:

“Hi there, Yumi, so sorry to bother! It’s Javier.”

“Oh, hi Javi. Yuzuru is not at home right now, sorry.”

“Yes, I know. I was supposed to meet him, but I forgot exactly where, and I tried calling him but he isn’t answering, must be the noisy traffic. Do you have any idea where he went?”

“Sure, he said he went to Mahjong to meet a friend. I had no idea it was you!”

“Thank you so much, Yumi!” Javier exclaimed. “Sorry, I have to go now, talk to you later!” he added, over Yumi’s puzzled “ _Why wouldn’t Yuzuru tell me he was meeting you_ -“

Javier grabbed his keys, put on a jacket and then he was out the door.

*

“Are you wearing them now?”

The whisper was hot and insistent in Yuzuru’s ear.

“What?” he reacted, flustered, pulling away on instinct.

A grin:

“The lace panties, of course.”

“Ha. No”, Yuzuru answered. “That was just for video.”

“Too bad”, Jem sighed. “I was looking forward to peeling them off with my teeth.”

Yuzuru made a face.

“You seem very sure that things like this will happen with us.”

Jem’s smile faltered only slightly.

“Oh, come on”, he said, “don’t play around! I can’t even focus on my food right now, I’m so hard in my pants when I see you wrap your lips around that spoon! By the way, loved the way you deep-throated that dildo like a pro! My cock is the same length, you know”, he winked.

Yuzuru stared blankly:

“Is it really”, he said, drily, somehow wishing the conversation would go back to earphones.

It felt surreal, sitting next to a complete stranger who behaved with such familiarity towards him. A stranger who had seen him naked, on several occasions, and in compromising positions. No wonder he felt entitled, a part of Yuzuru’s mind reminded him.

“So”, Jem said, drawing closer again. “What do you say we get out of here and go make our own video?”

Yuzuru stared at the almost empty bowl in front of him, while he tried to think about what he wanted.

What was he even doing here?

He didn’t really want any relationship – did he? It was way too complicated to consider. He had a feeling Jem didn’t want a relationship either, but he really wanted – expected even – to get physical very soon.

A one night stand.

That sounded exciting to Yuzuru – he could learn so much.

Jem seemed to be really experienced, too.

And he was good-looking. Yuzuru had been furtively checking him out, and he was pleased with what he saw.

But was it all worth it? The risk, the complications? Jem was a stranger, could he be trusted?

Yuzuru realized it was a little late to be having such thoughts, having acted very much on impulse so far. After Javier had rejected him, most of the things Yuzuru did were impulsive. He wanted to make Javier jealous and bitter – and judging by the erratic message Javier had left him earlier, it looked like he had succeeded. But Yuzuru also wanted to meet someone who wasn’t Javier, someone who wanted him for real.

“Sweetheart..? What about it?”

Jem was tracing a random pattern on Yuzuru’s thigh, fingers trailing close to his crotch.

Yuzuru was horny, there was no denying it.

He lifted his eyes and met Jem’s head on.

“Yes”, he murmured. “Let’s get out of here.”


	10. Chapter 10

Jem had just signaled the waitress for the bill, and was just telling Yuzuru about how he wanted to tie him up, in less intricate knots than in Yuzuru’s shibari video, and eat him out until he screamed, when Yuzuru looked up and saw Javier enter the pub. His first instinct was to crawl under the table to hide, but he wasted precious moments just staring at Javier in shock, and by then, Javier’s frantic gaze through the pub had locked in on him.

As Javier made his way resolutely towards their table, Yuzuru had time to wonder just how in hell did he manage to find them.

Oblivious, Jem was still talking, turned towards Yuzuru.

“I know how to deal with inexperienced twinks like you, who like to be dominated. I got just the thing baby,” he winked at Yuzuru, patting his cheek patronizingly, and turning slightly, just to see Javier standing next to their booth. “There you go, keep the change”, he told Javier, sticking a few banknotes in his hand. Then he turned again to Yuzuru: “Shall we go, then?”

Before Yuzuru could reply, Javier threw the money on the table.

“I’m not a waiter”, he spoke through gritted teeth.

Jem turned again to face him.

“Oh?” he asked, confused. “Then what do you want?”

Javier ignored him and addressed Yuzuru:

“Can we talk for a second?”

Jem glanced between the two of them, disgruntled.

“Uhh – Yuzu? You didn’t tell me that you had a boyfriend!”

“That’s because I don’t!” Yuzuru answered, finally finding his voice. He glared pointedly at Javier.

“Then are you going for a double date?” Jem pouted.

“Look-“, Javier said, turning to Jem. “I’ve known Yuzu for a long time and I- well, I just want to talk to him alone for a couple of minutes.”

“Look, mate, can it wait? We’re kinda in the middle of something here.”

Javier bit his lip.

“Just a few minutes,” he begged Yuzuru. “Please.”

Realizing that Javier would not be persuaded to leave without making a scene unless he agreed to talk to him, Yuzuru relented.

“Okay. Jem, I’ll be right back.”

Jem made a disbelieving face.

“Seriously?” he asked, on a contrary voice, with an incredulous chuckle. “What can this guy possibly want that can’t wait, unless he’s your boyfriend or something?”

“It’s complicated”, Yuzuru answered. “Please, can you let me pass?”

Jem stood up reluctantly, but didn’t leave the booth, forcing Yuzuru to brush against his body as he made his way out. At the last moment, his arm shot out to circle around Yuzuru’s waist possessively.

“Don’t keep me waiting long, babe”, he whispered in Yuzuru’s ear, while staring Javier down, and pressed a wet kiss on the side of Yuzuru’s neck, before releasing him.

Yuzuru didn’t answer, but the kiss burned, as did Javier’s eyes on him, that weighty stare, like a possessive touch in itself – less tender than in the past, tainted perhaps with some resentment and anger, but making up for that in sheer intensity. Yuzuru pretended not to notice, pretended to keep his cool, until he couldn’t – until Javier’s hand clawed around his wrist and he was dragged along – out of the crowded bar, into the street, turning a few corners, until Javier was satisfied that no one was around. And then he crowded Yuzuru against the wall and checked him over. He examined his face anxiously, as if he expected a visible change in him. He pulled up his top – Yuzuru protested, struggling – but Javier was determined, a man on a mission – as if looking for the traces of someone else on him – marks and bruises, heaving a sigh of relief when he found none. When Javier fingers accidentally brushed his naked skin, Yuzuru reacted with unexpected anger, and kicked Javier in the stomach, making him double over in pain.

How _dare_ he?

Yuzuru waited until Javier straightened and then he told him, still shaking with anger, but making his voice sound as steady and cold as possible:

“Mind your own business. I’m not yours.”

Javier’s own resentment was stirred again by those words, and he came again in Yuzuru’s space, forgetting the blow he had just received, to shout at him:

“And whose are you, then? Tonight it’s the sleazy truck driver. Tomorrow maybe it’s that creep who only likes them barely legal? What is the matter with you, can’t you realize how dangerous it is, exposing yourself like this?”

“It’s not your business”, Yuzuru replied spitefully. “Go home and enjoy the videos, like you want to do. And let me have my dates like I want to do.”

He tried to edge past Javier, but his way was blocked.

“No”, Javier told him resolutely. “No. You can’t- I won’t, I can’t allow this.”

Yuzuru crossed his arms and smirked at him.

“Oh yeah? And how are you gonna stop me?”

Javier’s face twisted in despair, and then he caved. It was the only way.

“I care about you”, he mumbled, as if the words pained him. “I can’t stand the thought of someone else with you. It’s stupid. I’m stupid.”

“Yes”, Yuzuru was quick to agree. “Stupid and crazy, because you don’t even want me for yourself.”

Javier burst into loud and bitter laughter.

“Oh, god, but I do. So fucking much. If you only knew how much. If I’m crazy, it’s because of you, I’m crazy for you.”

Yuzuru stared him down, eyes blazing with fury.

“Then why did you run?” he bit out.

Javier shook his head, with a twisted smile.

“Because I was scared.”

“Of what?” Yuzuru pressed.

“Fuck, I don’t know. Of my life getting turned upside down? That I’m not good enough for you? That I’m not really gay after all? The usual suspects, really.”

Yuruzu watched him skeptically, and Javier went on:

“Getting everything you want can be scary.”

Yuzuru laughed incredulously at that, mouthing the words, with comical amazement.

“No, of course you wouldn’t think so”, Javier realized, and closed his eyes in defeat. “I can’t explain.”

“Okay”, Yuzuru said, appeasingly, because Javier was being more honest and open with him than he’d ever been, and the look in his eyes was heartbreaking. “So what now?”

“I don’t know”, Javier said. “All I know is that I can’t let you go with that man. It would tear me apart in little pieces.”

Yuzuru huffed.

“It’s not about you. You don’t get to decide.”

“I know, I know. It’s your life. But – look I’m not asking you to come home with me instead. It’s not a caveman fight. I just need to know you’ll be safe tonight and – how can you trust a stranger like that?”

“He’s not that bad”, Yuzuru said, automatically.

“So you... you like him?”

“Maybe.”

“I see”, Javier whispered brokenly, the light in his eyes dimming. “Look, I know you probably don’t care what I think, but – this guy, I don’t like the way he looks at you, or talks to you, it-“

“You’re just jealous”, Yuzuru interrupted. “Which you have _no right to be.”_

“I know”, Javier acknowledged, defeated. “But this guy doesn’t care about you as much as he cares about getting his rocks off. It might not be a good experience for you. It’s not jealousy talking now, I swear. I’m talking to you now as a friend.”

“As a friend?” Yuzuru repeated incredulously. “A friend who hasn’t even looked at me these past few days?”

“I’m sorry”, Javier said. Tears came into his eyes, and he brushed them off angrily. “I wish I never found your video, I wish I never met you, I wish I never looked at you and wanted you. I’m in a hell of my own making.”

Yuzuru rolled his eyes at that.

“And people call _me_ dramatic”, he said. “What do you _want_ , Javi? Just tell me this, and be honest.”

Javier sniffed, and tried to reign in his tears, like a child who was scolded and is now offered chocolate.

“I want us to be friends again. More than anything, I want you to smile at me like you used to, and laugh at my jokes, and play around. I want us to hug each other again, when we’re sad, and when we’re happy, and sometimes for no reason at all. These past few days when we kept our distance have been awful for me too. There’s a pain – here”, Javier pressed on his chest, and looked at Yuzuru.

“Yes”, Yuzuru agreed, repeating the gesture. “Here, I feel it too. Like something heavy that won’t go away.”

Javier nodded, relieved that Yuzuru understood.

“I just need you in my life, Yuzu. Honestly, this is what I want. Whatever else I want can wait, or is not that important. And if you want to, maybe we can go on a date. Like a real date, not like you have with this joker, who can’t wait to bend you over and go to town.”

“Ha, I knew it. You are jealous”, Yuzuru said, this time lightly, with an indulgent smile.

“I am”, Javier acknowledged. “I realized something on my way here, that no matter how afraid I am, I don’t want to let you go. So I’ll fight for you. I’m gonna go back in there and take on that guy who’s twice my size, if I have to.”

“There’s no need, Javi”, Yuzuru laughed. “You convinced me. I’m not going with him.”

“Really?” Javier breathed.

“Yes. I’m going home tonight. And tomorrow - you and me, we have a date.”

Javier’s shoulders slumped in relief.

“God, thank you. Yuzu. Love you. I mean, thank you.”

*

“Oh, well, no biggie”, Jem said, when Yuzuru told him he wasn’t going with him after all. “There’s thousands like you in the world, sweetheart,” he added, with a pointed shrug.

“No”, Javier murmured quietly after Jem left. “No, there aren’t.”

Javier dropped Yuzuru home. They hugged as they parted, a little shy and tentative, a first attempt to patch up whatever broke between them these past few weeks. Javier could feel the weight on his chest lift a little.

Returning to his apartment, he searched for a random video of Yuzuru skating, and slumped on the bed to watch it, without bothering to put on his headphones. He had no idea what program it was, but it went to his heart like a healing balm. The heaviness and sorrow faded slowly into nothingness. 

He could not hear the music, but it didn’t matter. He could see Yuzuru flying gracefully on the surface of the ice, like treading gently through a transparent film of flowing waves. Each movement was expected and yet not, weaving its own web of magic as part of an uninterrupted dream, of harmony and peace. It was not only beautiful, but healing, not only aesthetic but precise and exact, cutting like a shot well-aimed, and coaxing like a siren song. And Javier had been struck, and caught, and learning to love his fate.


	11. Chapter 11

Yuzuru and Javier’s first date was awkward and they put an end to it early.

Their second date went a little better, but only because Javier mentioned Effie, and it progressed to him showing Yuzuru various pictures of his cat, as they sat, heads close together, Yuzuru’s eyes crinkly with smile. They pulled apart when they became conscious of the distance – or lack thereof – between them.

On the third date, Javier brought up the topic of cats on purpose. Yuzuru mentioned that he loved petting them because they were soft and fluffy, even though it made his asthma act up sometimes. Javier half-jokingly boasted that he was a master in petting cats, with a lot of experience he was willing to share. Yuzuru replied that while he did not meet many, every cat he met fell in love with him after he petted it. Javier invited him to test that on Effie. Yuzuru offered a small smile and said, _maybe_.

On the fourth date, Yuzuru asked Javier why he picked the nickname ‘Sueno del sol’ for his account on the porn hub.

Javier stopped mid-bite, and did a double-take, surprised that Yuzuru wanted to bring up a topic that he thought was taboo between them. But Yuzuru was looking at him expectantly, over his cup of tea, eyes clear and calm.

So Javier answered:

“It’s actually... it’s cheesy, but I thought of you when I picked it.”

Yuzuru looked confused, so Javier had to explain:

“Sueno del sol means dream of sun, right? And I was dreaming of you when I made that account. I was dreaming about someone I knew I couldn’t have, as far off and intangible as the sun.”

He paused, allowing Yuzuru to digest that. When he saw Yuzuru mouthing the unfamiliar word “intangible”, he clarified:

“I never thought I’d get to go on a date with you, or hope for anything more from you than a friendly relationship.”

“When I replied to your message”, Yuzuru finally said, on a quiet voice, “I did it because I saw you commented on my video in Spanish.”

“Why was Spanish important?” Javier asked, even if somehow he already knew.

“Because of you”, Yuzuru confirmed.

“So, when you agreed to do those videos, with me telling you...”

“Yes. When I do these things to myself, I think of you.”

Javier went dizzy as he remembered Yuzuru doing those things to himself, with the added knowledge that Yuzuru was thinking of _him_ all the while. Listening so obediently to all his dirty commands and resonating so beautifully to his praises.

“Yuzu...”, he breathed, aware in that moment of the Yuzuru who sat in front of him, and the Yuzuru in those videos and the Yuzuru who fooled around with him during practices, and with whom he shared so much on ice – unbelievably but wonderfully, being the same person.

“Javi....”, Yuzuru answered, but his eyes were anxious. “Do you think I’m a bad person for doing these videos?”

Javier was firmly shaking his head, even before Yuzuru had finished.

“But”, Yuzuru frowned, “you said....”

“I was an idiot”, Javier interrupted.

“No, but I want to explain...”

“You don’t have to – really, I –“

“But I _want_ to. Javi”, Yuzuru said solemnly, and took his hand. The small and slender fingers curled around Javier’s larger ones making a sheer electrical current go through Javier’s veins. “Look, I wanted to feel something. Something special. Do you understand? You say that you never think to have this with me, but I never think I could have this with _anyone_ , for real. Because... my life is so complicated, and to be with someone is complicated. So in a way this was like... my love affair with the world. And you are right, it gets me so high when people look at me and want me.”

Javier had been listening seriously, but he couldn’t help chuckling at the last part.

“Yuzu, I know. I think everyone knows that by now, cariño,” he said, overcome with sudden tenderness at Yuzuru trying so earnestly to explain, still anxious at Javier’s reaction. He reached out and cupped Yuzuru’s face in his palm, a familiar affectionate gesture between them, fingers caressing the soft skin. “It’s okay”, he soothed. “And I’m sorry, I really am. I know I made you feel cheap and worthless with how I reacted, that was just my shock and resentment coming though. My entire world turned upside down in a cruel mockery of what I always wanted, and I lashed out at you, like a dick. I’m not finding excuses for myself, I’m just asking you to forgive me.”

“We were both stupid”, Yuzuru mumbled, averting his eyes. “I’m sorry, too. But I’m glad I’m sitting here with you. Because you are the only one I want, everyone else is just....replacement.” His fingers twitched in Javier’s grip, and he looked up, briefly meeting Javier’s eyes, his gaze open and vulnerable at this confession.

Javier didn’t want to leave Yuzuru’s confession unanswered. He brought Yuzuru’s palm to his lips, then pressed it against his cheek, finding courage:

“Forgive me”, he repeated. “I was so much in lust with you, that I forgot I was in love.”

Yuzuru’s eyes were suspiciously shiny when he nodded, and said:

“I think.... I think maybe I want to come and meet Effie-chan.”

*

Yuzuru was slowly petting Effie, murmuring nonsensical things to the cat on a soothing voice.

Javier, who had changed from his street clothes in the bathroom, came out to watch them, with a small smile on his face, which soon deepened into a grin, that threatened to bubble into laughter.

“You... you’re petting her the wrong way, Yuzu!” he finally said, unable to restrain himself any longer.

“Wrong way?” Yuzuru paused to look up at him, wide-eyed. “What means ‘wrong way’?”

“Like....”, Javier gestured, “like, wrong _direction_. Haha. Here. The right way is like this”.

He knelt on the other side of Effie and gave her a long stroke from head to tail.

“See?”

Yuzuru shrugged and stroked Effie in short stokes, messing up her fur, from the back towards the head.

“This is better. I feel the fluff more.”

“But...”, Javier protested, amused. “It’s just wrong. I don’t think the cat likes it-“, he broke off, looking at Effie whose eyes were closed in deep contentment. As Yuzuru went on stroking her, she even turned over, showing off her belly, in absolute submission. Javier’s jaw dropped.

“What are you doing to my cat?” he asked, only half jokingly. “What kind of pheromones are you emitting?”

Yuzuru looked up innocently, and questioningly at Javier, now stroking Effie’s belly.

“She never lets any stranger touch her belly”, Javier marveled.

Yuzuru’s face lit up in a wide smile:

“See, I told you, Javi!”

Javier huffed. He began stroking Effie as well, whose purring got even louder, echoing through the room. Javier felt like laughing, and yet he didn’t want to break the moment.

It was inevitable – that their hands would meet as they brushed through Effie’s fur – the soft touches they reserved for the cat accidentally given to each other. Their smiles faded, as the simple brush of hands turned the tension up a notch – the very air around them seemed thick with electricity.

Javier stood up slowly, staring at Yuzuru intently, and Yuzuru did the same, as if under a spell. Yuzuru took a few steps away, breaking the gaze, suddenly shy, and Javier took the opportunity to test whether Yuzuru responded as beautifully to his commands when they were face to face as when they were behind a computer screen.

“Look at me, Yuzu. Come here,” he said, gently but firmly.

Yuzuru looked up and something in his eyes changed. Now they looked serious and determined, as he approached Javier.

And Javier could finally pull him close and press their lips together.

It was as if the first touch, once indulged in, released a frenzy of desire, that sparkled between them, setting their bodies alight. The kiss was deepened hungrily, and hands roamed, as they pulled each other closer.

Javier couldn’t stop running his hands all over Yuzuru’s body, divesting him hurriedly of clothes, while kissing him deeply, in a frenzy of excitement. Every inch of that body that he had previously devoured with his eyes was now mapped and squeezed by his eager fingers, on their quest to find and conquer. Javier broke the kiss only to suck and nibble at Yuzuru’s jaw and neck, possessed by the same fervour, while Yuzuru clenched his fingers on his naked back, eyes half-closed, dazed by the intensity of Javier’s actions.

Javier’s mouth descended even further down, latching onto Yuzuru’s nipples, sucking hungrily at one, while pinching the other hardened nub. Overwhelmed, Yuzuru swayed on his feet, and Javier supported him with an arm around his waist.

Yuzuru looked down, dizzily, biting his lip, to see Javier kneeling before him, his large palm placed possessively over his waist, as he licked at every inch of his exposed upper body.

When Javier’s hand ventured even further down, to cup him through his pants, Yuzuru jumped and keened. He was already hard and leaking. Javier hurriedly slipped his hand inside Yuzuru’s pants, reaching skin, groaning as he felt the wetness, his fingers closing around Yuzuru’s hard shaft.

“Fuck, yes, baby,” Javier mumbled against Yuzuru’s skin, still busily suckling at Yuzuru’s stomach, as he slowly pumped him.

“Javi”, Yuzuru whined. “I need –“

“Yeah?” Javier teased. What do you need?” He kissed down Yuzuru’s abdomen, nosing at the hem of his pants. “Do you need me to suck you off, baby boy?” he went on, remembering the pet name he used to have for KSEX-4, and was satisfied to hear Yuzuru’s sharp intake of breath. Javier decided to take it a bit further: “I can’t wait to take your gorgeous cock in your mouth”, he confessed, pulling Yuzuru tight against him. “I never wanted to do that before with a guy. Can I do it now, Yuzu?”

Yuzuru groaned and nodded wildly, feeling like Javier’s arm around him was the only thing keeping him from collapsing.

Javier grinned, and with a last kiss to Yuzuru’s belly, went further down on him, pulling Yuzuru’s pants down all the way.

He briefly licked his lips, at the sight of Yuzuru’s cock, which sprang up erect and mouthwatering, and paused only for a moment before taking it in his mouth in a single gulp.

Javier started sucking almost immediately, gratified by Yuzuru’s broken moan, who felt heavy in his arms, like his legs had turned to jelly.

Making up for lack of experience by sheer enthusiasm, Javier gulped and swallowed around Yuzuru’s cock, lavishing it with licks and pulling back to stroke him whenever he wanted to regain his breath.

“Javi, I can’t –“, Yuzuru whined, as his legs gave way completely.

Javier pulled back and got to his feet, guiding Yuzuru towards the bed, and pushing him on it none too gently. He spread Yuzuru’s legs wide, gratified to discover he now had better access – he licked at the base of his cock, and suckled at his balls, massaging them in his hand.

“Ja-viii~”, Yuzuru wheezed, hands clenching in Javier’s hair, and Javier pulled back briefly to stare at him, eyes dark.

Yuzuru’s own hooded eyes stared back at him, shadowy and impenetrable, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Javier took a moment to look his fill, taking in the sinful body laid out in front of him, and enjoying the wrecked look on Yuzuru’s beautiful face. He couldn’t help diving in for a kiss, just as hard and demanding as their first. Yuzuru’s arms circled around Javier, gripping naked flesh, as he responded in kind. By the time they pulled apart, Javier was breathing just as heavily as Yuzuru, in a paroxysm of pure physical need.

He gripped Yuzuru by the waist tightly and flipped him over abruptly. From up close, Javier stared at the exposed fleshy mounds and started to knead them with demanding fingers.

Yuzuru shivered in anticipation and rubbed his aching cock against the sheets as he felt Javier’s panting breath ghost over the sensitive skin. Javier couldn’t make up his mind whether to lick or to bite, and in the end he slapped the sensitive skin, just to see it reddening, like Yuzuru had done to himself in his second video. He chuckled quietly as Yuzuru jumped at the sudden slap, with a surprised but pleased moan.

And then he parted his ass cheeks and went to town.

Yuzuru screamed as Javier’s tongue speared his hole, sudden and hungry. The sensation was too new, too powerful to analyze. He felt open and exposed, completely at Javier’s mercy, who dealt him pleasure that took him to such dizzy unknown heights, it hovered on the threshold of pain. That in itself was not new to Yuzuru – the sweet mixture of pleasure and pain, but now there was also the unexpected quality of what Javier was doing to him, in what way he chose to own him, taking him to unexplored places in the realm of lust. When Javier curled his tongue in an especially wicked way, Yuzuru’s eyes rolled to the back of his head, and he bit his lip until he tasted copper. But Javier was just getting started.

It was as if he wanted to only use his tongue to explore him, or he had really made up his mind to claim him in this way, as a most basic form of ownership. Javier seemed intent to either drive Yuzuru crazy, or satisfy a secret dirty fantasy of his own. Either way, it seemed that he couldn’t get enough, and his lust was making him get more and more creative. His tongue explored the loosened opening, plunging deeper and deeper as it gave way, until he effectively fucked Yuzuru with it, a finger inserted as well for a better stretch.

Yuzuru writhed in tormented pleasure, struggled just to feel Javier’s fingers dig into his flesh firmly, keeping him in place. Javier wouldn’t let him go, wouldn’t let him retreat into himself.

“Javi, please”, he begged when he couldn’t take it anymore, too close to the edge for too long and unable to reach the peak that would help him find release.

Javier took pity and pulled away, flipping Yuzuru on his back again. He brushed at the tears on Yuzuru’s face and at the unshed ones at the corner of his eyes, with the tips of his fingers, tenderly, as he praised him:

“So sensitive, hermosito. Shh. Te cuidare, cariño.”

“It means?” Yuzuru demanded.

“I’ll take care of you, sweetheart.”

When Javier took Yuzuru’s cock in his mouth again, sudden and deep, Yuzuru lost it completely and thrust fiercely – only a couple of times was all it took, before a powerful climax swept over him. Javier pulled back and took him in hand, working him through it, as Yuzuru spilled all over his abdomen and thighs.

Yuzuru closed his eyes, trying to come back to himself in the aftermath, as Javier rubbed the milky fluid into Yuzuru’s skin, and bent for a few curious and greedy licks. Yuzuru twitched, oversensitive, half-opening his eyes, and Javier moved up on his body to share the taste of himself in a kiss, which Yuzuru responded to lazily.

Javier left the bed and returned with a wet towel, using it to wipe him clean of bodily fluids. Yuzuru sighed, and mumbled his gratitude, too wiped out to move. Javier bopped him on the nose and returned to the bathroom, where he took a quick shower.

When he returned, Yuzuru was dozing off, and Javier climbed into bed beside him, covering them both with a duvet.

“Mmmm”, Yuzuru reacted, waking up, and reached for Javier tiredly but insistently.

Javier pulled him closer against his body and kissed the back of his neck, reaching out with a hand to turn off the light.

“Good night, baby”, he said.

“....Javi?” Yuzuru asked incredulously. “We sleep?” He could feel Javier’s erection poking against his butt, and when he reached behind to touch, it twitched and Javier’s entire body trembled. “But don’t you want....?”

“It’s fine”, Javier whispered against his hair. “It will go away soon. I’ll just have sweet dreams.”

Yuzuru fidgeted:

“I’m not that tired, Javi, we can-“

“Nnnn. Go to sleep, Yuzu.”

Exhausted by an earth-shattering climax, with Javier’s arms tight around him and his comforting warmth pressed close, it was all too easy for Yuzuru to give in.

“Buenas noches, Javi~”, he whispered shyly, and Javier chuckled and rewarded him with a good night kiss.


	12. Chapter 12

As Javier and Yuzuru fell asleep together in a tangle of limbs, across the world someone was watching Yuzuru’s latest video, one hand frantically moving underneath the table. He groaned and sped up as he watched Yuzuru model the black lace panties, but he abruptly froze when the video showed Yuzuru smiling at the camera, shiny glossy lips on display.

“I’d know those lips anywhere....”, the man muttered.

On his computer, another tab was open with Yuzuru’s Olympics Sochi performance.

The man carefully extracted his hand from underneath the table and rubbed it onto some tissues, before he grabbed the mouse.

“Hmmm”, he frowned, as he paused the video, rewinded and rewatched several bits. “Or maybe not,” he reflected, suddenly uncertain. He angled his head, narrowing his eyes, assessingly. “Well then, let the internet be the judge of this.”

He downloaded the video off the porn hub and uploaded it to twitter, tagging it “yuzuruhanyu”, “porn lookalike” “or is it the real thing?”

The reactions from all over the world were quick to follow.

*

By the time Yuzuru and Javier woke up in Canada, late and lazily reluctant to disengage from each other’s arms, the video had gone almost viral. By now fully convinced that he had struck gold, the uploader hurried to download the other videos from KSEX-4 as well, before they would inevitably be deleted. Then he turned off his notifications, as the comments kept pouring in.

_Swanlady11_

OMG!!!!

_Yuzu4A_

Lol no way....???

_Sweetsalchow33_

The resemblance is amazing! It’s making me a little uncomfortable lmao

_Isublows99_

Is this really Yuzuru? Why would he do this?

_Yuzuforever2014_

Okay after a long debate with myself I realized that I can’t possibly be a fan of him any longer. It’s just too far from the image I have of him.

_Matasumi_

Relax guys, it isn’t him! There’s no mole on his neck

_OnetwoTen_

It looks suspiciously a lot like him though! He could’ve covered the mole.

_Conchita101_

No puedo creer!

_Mariangela20_

Can we talk about the fact that he’s super hot?

_FSPC36_

Patrick Chan is miles ahead of this guy. Hanyu and Fernandez are so boring to watch, honestly their big jumps are the only things worth watching.

_LyobaSui_

@FSPC16, we’re talking about a porn video that Hanyu might have done, and this is your only comment? LOL

_Jggywit69_

I thought I couldn’t possibly like this guy more, I was wrong

_BlackberryJem_

Haha, I almost fucked him! I had no idea he was famous :D

_LeeAnnChibi_

MHMM SURE JAN!

_Yuzulover17_

You’re disgusting!! And this is NOT Yuzuru!

*

Yuzuru blinked sleepily in the pale morning light, and smiled lazily at the wonderful pressure of Javier’s arms around his body, keeping him warm and close. He rubbed his body back against Javier and restrained a chuckle at the ensuing groan that followed. Javier’s cock was still hard, poking insistently at his lower back. Yuzuru reached his hand to grab it and guided it lower, twisting his body until it was snugly fitted between his ass cheeks. The arms around Yuzuru tightened, and Javier twitched, hips jumping in an aborted thrust. This time Yuzuru couldn’t stifle his laughter.

“Hmmmm hey”, Javier mumbled, gradually waking up. “What are you doing, you imp?”

“Imp?” Yuzuru replied, affronted.

“Mmyeah”, Javier yawned. “You have impish eyes.”

“You don’t like my eyes?” Yuzuru pouted, wriggling as he tried to turn and face Javier.

“Your eyes are beautiful”, Javier replied, easing his grip so Yuzuru could turn. “I’m glad you didn’t share them with the world, when you did those videos. It’s the one bit of you they didn’t get to see.” He kissed Yuzuru’s frown off the corner of said eyes, then indulgently proceeded downwards.

Yuzuru sighed and parted his lips, welcoming the kiss on the mouth, which was hot and hungry and made him tingle, memories of yesterday flashing though his mind. He pressed his body to Javier’s, and took his hard cock in hand again, in a curious caress. Javier moaned into his mouth, and pressed his own hand over Yuzuru’s, guiding his movements.

“You could finish me off like this”, he whispered, between kisses.

“But don’t you want...more?” Yuzuru whispered in turn, hand rubbing up and down Javier’s shaft.

Javier exhaled on a shudder, one palm gripping Yuzuru’s jaw convulsively as he stared into his eyes.

“I do. I always do”, he confessed. “You know this.”

“So then....”

Javier hid his face in Yuzuru’s neck, his next words muffled:

“Not yet. Wanna make it special. Soon.”

Yuzuru laughed a little, but then he realized he found the words and the meaning behind them rather touching. He caressed Javier’s hair with a soft hand, even as he sped up his movements with the other. Soon Javier trembled and pulsed in Yuzuru’s hand, lips and teeth assaulting his neck as he came.

After he got his breath back, Javier reached for Yuzuru, meaning to return the favour.

Both of them groaned in disappointment when they heard a ringtone. Yuzuru rolled around in bed, looking for his phone, while Javier did a double take when he realized what was the ringtone melody.

“ _Heffalumps and woozles_? Really, Yuzu? Oh my god...”, he managed, before dissolving into wheezing laughter.

“It only rings like this for one person only”, Yuzuru muttered darkly, staring with a grimace on his face at the screen without answering.

“Well?” Javier prompted him, curiously.

“My social media manager. Usually, it means there’s been some trouble, like fan wars or something.”

“Oh, I see”, Javier reacted. “Do you want me to leave the room, give you some privacy?”

Yuzuru shook his head at him pointedly, as he finally answered the phone in Japanese.

Javier watched Yuzuru as he went increasingly paler, the longer the conversation went on. Before he became alarmed, he was briefly fascinated that someone’s face could turn such a complete shade of bloodless white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re curious about Yuzu's ringtone song, lol, it’s pretty trippy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=axPPL1FO5mU


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I haven’t thanked Mother North in a long time, so I’m gifting this story to her, which I should’ve done from the beginning, because not only is this story her idea, but she’s also been very supportive of the mess I made of her perfectly wonderful idea : ))

Javier watched Yuzuru give brief answers in halting Japanese, as his face gradually lost all colour. Without even realizing what he was doing, he approached Yuzuru and placed a hand on his waist, as if meaning to steady him. Yuzuru ended the call, then lost all will to stand, falling deadweight against Javier, who scrambled to support him.

“Yuzu, what happened?? You’re scaring me...”

Yuzuru’s hand clutched Javier’s naked shoulder in a desperate grip.

“They _know_ ”, he whispered.

“Eh?” Javier was confused for all of three seconds, then he began to panic: “They know... about us??”

“....no,” Yuzuru mumbled. “Not about us. At least not yet. But they know much worse. Much, much worse.”

Javier’s mouth fell open in shock, as he finally put the pieces together: Yuzuru’s videos – the latest one, in which he recklessly showed part of his face – the social media manager – fan wars – “Oh.... dios....”, he reacted, and bit his lip in anxiety.

Yuzuru nodded, listlessly:

“Yeah”, he murmured. Still clinging onto Javier, he sat down on the bed, and Javier did as well, caressing his back distractedly. He winced as his mind quickly processed all the consequences, all the implications.

“Ok, so what now? What can we do?” he asked, because Yuzuru’s silence was unnerving him.

“Damage control. I have to meet Jem.”

“Who?”

“The guy I was with last night.”

Javier blinked, and then reacted strongly:

“Oh....oh no no no, you don’t-,” he started, not knowing if it was jealousy or reason talking.

“Javi, I have to. He needs to be persuaded not to talk.”

“.....”

Yuzuru sighed, and explained:

“My latest video made it to twitter. He commented on it, you can imagine what. My manager contacted him, to find out what he knew. He tried to convince Jem not to share um, details of his meeting with me. If he’s contacted by fans, to pretend that he was joking. But he couldn’t get him to agree to sign anything. Jem said he’ll only deal with me in person.”

“What does this mean? What does this even mean ‘deal with you in person’? Does he want money?”

“He’s already been offered money.”

“This is ridiculous. What does he want?”

“I don’t know, Javi. But I have to find out.”

“There’s no reason for you to meet him. Let your manager handle this. Obviously what he wants is _more money._ ”

“He said-“

“Why would he want to meet you at this point? I bet he just wants to see you grovel at his feet! You can’t meet him!”

Yuzuru’s eyes flashed.

“Javi-“, he started, on a warning tone.

Javier shook his head, refusing to listen.

They were quiet for a while, Yuzuru playing absently with the beads on his bracelet.

Javier finally broke the silence, on a more reasonable tone:

“Look Yuzu, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to meet this guy, but if you say it’s the only way, then I’m coming with you.”

Yuzuru frowned deeply, as if the idea was insane.

“No, absolutely not,” he argued. “You being there will make things even more complicated.”

“Like they aren’t already? Look, if this Jem character talks, then it’s my reputation on the line as well. I was there last night too, remember?”

“If I can get him to sign the paper that he will not disclose anything, then he won’t say anything about you either.”

“Yuzu, you don’t understand. This is my business, too. Don’t make it like it’s only about you, it’s about _us_.” 

Yuzuru looked down, contrite, not knowing what to reply.

“There wasn’t even an _us_ before last night, Javi.”

“Right. And that’s partly my fault. And it’s just my luck that when I think I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, it turns into the biggest nightmare.”

“It’s my fault”, Yuzuru mumbled.

Javier waved a hand.

“No one could have predicted this.”

“I never thought it could escalate like this,” Yuzuru admitted. “But I _should’ve._ I’ve been reckless, and stupid. Disappointed everyone. My mother, oh god, this will kill her.”

“Yumi mustn’t find out.”

“She already knows. The man who called me, my social media manager – he always calls her too if there’s a problem. No secrets between us. So she knows, but she hasn’t called me, hasn’t left a message. She must hate me. She’s disowned me. Doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore, for sure....”, Yuzuru stammered, eyes filling with tears, as he tried to control his uneven, stuttering breath.

Javier wrapped him in a tight embrace, rubbing his back comfortingly.

“Shh, Yuzu no – I’m sure she’s just thinking about it, maybe trying to come up with a plan before she calls you,” Javier countered lamely. He didn’t half believe it himself.

“It doesn’t matter anyway, I can’t face her. Oh, what am I going to do - I’m done for -” Yuzuru pulled back, eyes wide and shocked as if all the implications of what happened finally caught up with him. “I – there’s no way out of this” , he forced out, amid rising panic. “Is there? My reputation is ruined, no matter what I do!”

“Yuzu”, Javier said. He caught Yuzuru’s hand in his own and squeezed it fiercely. “There is a way and we will find it, _together_.”

Yuzuru still shook his head, lost in a nightmare world all of his own.

“Hey, look at me. Look at me, Yuzu.” Javier took his chin in his hands and made Yuzuru look at him, meeting his dark, unfocused eyes, glossy with tears and shock.

“I’m with you”, he said, trying to keep his voice as steady and reassuring as possible. “I’m with you start to finish, baby. Now, when are we seeing this jam asshole?”

“Javi –“, Yuzuru began hesitantly, pulling back a little, as he evaded Javier’s touch. “Thank you for all you said and did for me but I – I can’t drag you into this mess.”

Javier sighed, irritated:

“We’ve been over this, Yuzu. We’re in this mess _together_.”

“No, no we aren’t. Your name will be kept out of it, it’s one of the things Jem will have to promise to keep secret. And....Jem will be much more likely to agree to anything if it’s just me.”

“What does that mean, Yuzu? Hm? What do you mean?”

“Just that it’s me he wants to deal with. If he sees more people, he might feel threatened.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Why would he feel threatened? He holds all the cards. Unless you think you can persuade him by offering him something _other_ than money. Is that what you meant, Yuzu?”

“He may answer more favourably to just me”, Yuzuru repeated evasively.

“Fuck that!” Javier exploded. “You’re not meeting him alone, you’re not giving this asshole more leeway over you!”

“Javi, what do you think I-“

“I’m ready, let’s go. When do we meet him?”

“Javi, you’re naked.”

“... I’ll just go get dressed.”

“Do you trust me that little?”

“Yuzu, baby, cariño – it’s not about trust, it’s like...”, Javier drifted off as he struggled to explain. “I know how scared you are, I can see the fear in your eyes, and it scares me too, it does. And I know how much it means to you – your reputation, what other people think of you, how they see you. What if you decide that no price you have to pay for this is too high? I’m scared for you, so please, please let me be there with you.”

Javier gripped Yuzuru’s shoulders and looked at him earnestly.

“Please? Please. Por favor, cariñito.”

“Not fair”, Yuzuru huffed, even as he melted, “you bringing out the Spanish _now_.”

Javier laughed and kissed him on the forehead.

*

Yuzuru and Javier sat across from Jem in the same bar where Jem and Yuzuru had their “date”, the Mahjong. Yuzuru liked it because it was a secretive place, tucked behind another very unassuming bar which faced the main street. On the inside, it managed to be both large and cozy, usually fairly crowded. Some of the people were loud and boisterous but everyone was minding their own table and business. The atmosphere was usually relaxed and casual, and so it was on the Thursday afternoon when the three of them sat down and ordered drinks. After the drinks arrived and the waitress moved away, Yuzuru extracted the non-disclosure agreement from his bag and placed it carefully on the table between them.

“As you requested, Jem, I am here in person. Let’s talk about what you want. How much money would please you?”

“I don’t want your money”, Jem replied. “Remember what I told you about me, Yuzu? I could care less about money if you use it to tie me down.”

“Okay so then...what?” Yuzuru asked carefully.

Jem shrugged.

“I could decide to sign that non disclosure agreement, if you manage to persuade me.”

Javier snorted. Jem smiled brightly. Yuzuru frowned.

“What, you think I’ll ask you for something dirty?” Jem went on, as his smile grew wider. “How ‘bout it, Yuzu? Would you get underneath the table and use your little tongue to polish my big rod? I promise not to take pictures, but I can’t promise I won’t sneak a look – after all I’ve seen how good you are with your mouth-“

Yuzuru’s frown deepened, while Javier grit his teeth, ready to explode. Jem laughed out loud, enjoying their reactions.

“Relax, I’m just joking, you should see your faces. Wow, you guys really think I’m some sort of creep, eh?”

“You make it hard not to”, Javier shot out, and Yuzuru kicked him under the table.

“What do you _want_ then, Jem?” Yuzuru asked, forcing himself to remain calm.

“How about your honesty? This is a funny situation I’ve found myself in, quite unexpectedly, and I can’t say I’m not intrigued. Tell you the truth, I’ve met many guys, some of them weird, all of them hot, but you ... you’re something new. I want to hear your story.”

“I have a wikipedia page”, Yuzuru answered, pointedly. “My story is all there.”

“Nah, that’s just the story you wanna tell the world, innit? Polished and proper, and inspiring, fit for an idol. Now, the person who did those videos, Yuzu boy...”, Jem leaned in and looked at him meaningfully, “that person was _messy,_ and crazy, and so damn hot in all the wrong dirty ways-“

“They’re all part of me”, Yuzuru interrupted. “I am the person in my wiki page, just as I am the person in those videos. You wanted honesty, this is honestly all there is to it, all there is to know.”

Jem leaned back, still looking at Yuzuru with a slight smile of amusement:

“I’m just curious”, he said leisurely. “Why did you do all those things? You have a life – well, _had_ a life _,_ a successful one, where all you had to do was be a good boy, which you seemed to fool everyone into thinking you were.”

Yuzuru scowled.

“It is not ‘all I had to do’. I’m an athlete. I have to work hard to be the best.”

Jem raised an eyebrow.

“Really? All that prancing around in costumes on skates is a sport? Don’t you have _judges_? Sounds more like a beauty contest to me but okay, doll.”

“We twist in the air, three-four revolutions, and land on one foot”, Javier spit out, glaring at Jem.

Jem laughed again, and held his palms upwards.

“Whatever you say, baby. Not my problem. I prefer basketball.” He turned to Yuzuru again: “Anyway, what I mean is, you have a lot of fans, right? And you sorta depend on them, don’t you? You really don’t wanna disappoint them, eh? In fact, this is why we’re sitting here right now, with a non disclosure agreement between us. That’s why you’re so scared.”

“I’m not scared”, Yuzuru answered.

“You’re scared I won’t sign. And I might not. Not if I can sense you’re lying to me.”

“Jem, I’m not lying.”

“Why did you do those videos? When you decided to bend over, put your ass up, and shove a thick dildo into your virgin asshole for all the world to see – what made you do it? Or _who_ made you do it? Who did you think about?”

“Me”, Javier answered firmly, before Yuzuru could reply. “He thought of me.”

“Javi!” Yuzuru turned to him, shocked, and annoyed.

“What? Isn’t it true? He wants to hear the truth, Yuzu. And this is the truth... unless you want to tell me that it isn’t.”

Yuzuru sighed deeply, and rolled his eyes. He turned to Jem, who was watching their interaction with the same amused smile.

“It’s true, I did think of Javi. But this isn’t why I did it. I think I did it because I was lonely. And I wanted people to praise me. And I wanted to experiment. And then, it became something important to me, especially when Javi got involved too. I didn’t know it was Javi back then, just a person who talked to me and told me what to do, and we enjoyed ourselves together, and it was... it was like having a .... a relationship in a way. It felt a bit like having something that other people have, it felt like belonging. I never thought I could come out, you see. So this is the closest I could get to being it. Being gay, I mean. Online, anonymous, on a porn hub. It worked. For someone who had nothing of the sort, and hoped for nothing more in the future, it worked a little too well.” He paused, then smiled, slow and pensive. “It was also fun. It was _so much_ fun, that even now, I don’t regret doing it, not really. I regret being discovered, of course. But I don’t feel like I’ve done something wrong. And I don’t apologize for it.”

“And you shouldn’t”, Jem piped in. “You got nothing to apologize for, if you ask me. Except he can make you do it. Your manager or whoever contacted me. He seems like a no fun kinda guy.”

“At this point, apologies would solve nothing”, Yuzuru answered. “The best they can do is deny it. Deny that it’s me in those videos, even in the face of the obvious.”

“Uh-huh. I see. So tell me then, Yuzu - are you happy with this life?” Jem asked, cunningly. “Cause from where I’m sitting... I mean, if it were me, I’d just hop on a truck and flip’em off, and ride off into the sunset. If they don’t like me for _me,_ then why bother, amirite?”

“I...it’s more complicated than that, Jem. I owe people more than just that. I’m supposed to be a symbol of – “

“Yeah, yeah”, Jem interrupted, waving a hand dismissively. “I got all that. But you haven’t answered – are you happy with this life?”

“Yes”, Yuzuru answered immediately. “This life is all I have, it’s all I know, all I trained for, what I wanted to achieve since I was little. My accomplishments mean everything to me. I would be dead without them, and I’d be dead without people’s support.”

Jem stared, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

“I mean it, Jem”, Yuzuru said, calmly. “It’s the truth. I swear.”

“And now he has me, as well”, Javier chimed in, and interlaced his fingers with Yuzuru’s, on the table. “And I’ll stick by him forever.”

“Forever is a long time”, Jem smirked. “But what can I say? I love a good sappy romance, even if I’m not a long-haul kinda guy myself.”

He shrugged, and turned back to Yuzuru:

“Well, Yuzu, you’ve pretty much convinced me. You’re an interesting guy, and I’ll always regret not getting to know you better”, he winked, “like, in the biblical sense, y’know? But such is life, you win some, you lose some. I wish you the best of luck, and now, where’s that paper I need to sign?”

Yuzuru pushed the paper towards him, producing a pen out of his pocket, with a smile of gratitude and relief.

“There’s a lot of legalese here...”, Jem frowned as he scanned the document. “You’ll have to give me a moment to read it through, no offense but I don’t wanna end up signing over my car just cause I didn’t read it properly.”

“Of course”, Yuzuru agreed. “Take your time.”

“Mmmhm. Hang on a mo’, I’ll be right back. Just gotta drain the lizard”, he gestured towards the empty bottle of beer, and made for the bathroom.

When they were alone, Yuzuru squeezed Javier’s fingers, still entangled with his own, and looked over at him, smiling warmly.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” he offered.

Javier gave a reluctant nod, and squeezed back.

“I guess not. He was very annoying, though.”

“That’s just who he is. Good thing he’s signing.”

“Yeah”, Javier admitted. “Guess it could’ve been worse.”

“Thank you”, Yuzuru brushed Javier’s jaw with the tip of his fingers, eyes soft. “For being here, I mean. You were right. It helped _me_.”

“I’m glad”, Javier nodded, returning the gaze. “And Yuzu, I meant what I said earlier. Forever. I’ll stick by you forever.”

“Javi”, Yuzuru positively melted. “You’re too much for me right now.”

“F, O, R –“, Javier started spelling out, as Yuzuru began to giggle, “E, V, E, R! You’d have to peel me off with a potato peeler to get rid of me!”

“ _Crazy_ to think I’ll ever want rid of Javi!” Yuzuru snorted.

“Hey, don’t you think Jem is spending too much time in the bathroom?”

Yuzuru shrugged, and checked his watch.

They sat a couple more minutes in silence, watching the bathroom door, and looking at each other, increasingly uneasy.

“That’s it, I’m going after him. This is suspicious.”

“I’m coming too.”

“Better you stay here with the papers, in case he comes back.”

Javier stood up and made for the bathroom, while Yuzuru remained seated, scanning the entire bar anxiously in search of Jem. It was less than a minute before Javier returned.

“Yuzu! He wasn’t there!” he gasped, as he threw himself back in his chair.

“What...?”

“There was no one there, I mean there was just one guy peeing, who gave me a strange look, cause I opened all the cubicle doors to check, and.... Jem wasn’t there! He stood us up!”

“He must have sneaked out while we weren’t paying attention”, Yuzuru realized, with a sinking feeling.

“The _dick_!” Javier exclaimed, enraged. “I _told you_ he was a dick!”

“Why would he do this? I did everything that he asked me to do”, Yuzuru wondered, the corners of his lips dropping in disappointment and sadness.

“Maybe he did want something else from you, and his plans were ruined when I turned up as well”, Javier said.

Yuzuru’s phone beeped with an incoming message, and he checked it.

“But you know what, Yuzu? I’m not sorry!” Javier went on. “Better like this than to have you humiliated or forced, or hell knows what, maybe kidnapped for ransom, now that he knows you’re famous-“

“Javi-“, Yuzuru interrupted, staring at his phone.

“And you know what else? Fuck that bastard! If you wanna know what I think, I think he wouldn’t have signed those papers no matter what-”

“ _Javi_ ~!”, Yuzuru repeated more insistently, directing Javier’s attention to his phone. “It’s from Jem.”

The message read:

_Yuzu,_

_You’ll probably hate me but I’m doing this because lies never work. Trust me, they never do. And it’s always best for people to know the truth. And if they can’t handle the truth about you, then they don’t really love you. And then you don’t really need them, do you? So here’s what I did: I recorded all of our conversation, and I will make it public. By the time you read this message, it’s already been sent to a few key accounts on twitter. Guess this makes me persona non grata with your manager and your whole legal team, huh? So that’s my cue to bid you and your sweet ass a fond farewell. Mr Nondisclosure Agreement can try to find me and sue me, but he’s not gonna be able to, I’m really good at hiding and keeping on the move. Years of practice, you know? Anyway, don’t hate me too much. I meant what I said, I wish you the best life alongside whatshisname. Hey, maybe some day you’ll even thank me? Byebye gorgeous xxx_

After reading the message, Yuzuru and Javier stared at each other nonplussed. Javier could barely summon the energy to faintly utter:

“That.... _dick...”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still here, guys?  
> Like Yuzu said, there’s gotta be a light at the end of this tunnel, there’s just gotta be, even if we don’t see it. Do I mean the story or irl, I don't even know at this point, lol


	14. Chapter 14

“I think I need another drink”, Javier tried to joke.

Yuzuru let his entire body fall flat against the cushiony seat, all energy and purpose draining out of him. With slow, but deliberate motions, as if hypnotized, he turned off his phone, and placed it back on the table.

“Yuzuru,” Javier began seriously, but he didn’t know how to go on. What could he possibly say? _It’s not so bad?_ That might have worked a few hours ago. Maybe. But even Javier, with his purely optimistic outlook, was beginning to think they passed _not so bad_ a few miles back and heading straight into _a whole shitpile of awful._ At top speed.

His thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of a smiling waitress:

“Would you like to order anything else?”

“Yes”, Javier said, fully meaning to get that one more drink, at the same time that Yuzuru answered:

“No.”

They exchanged glances, while the waitress looked confused.

“Just the check please, thank you”, Yuzuru said to the waitress with a smile and a nod, signalling that it was fine.

Javier said nothing. He hated that smile on Yuzuru’s face, saccharine and false, the one he put on for the press and for winning the silver medal. And when the waitress went off with a nervous giggle, to cover the awkwardness of the situation, Yuzuru’s smile faded abruptly into a look of pure exhaustion. Javier wanted to take him in his arms and squeeze the unhappiness and burden out of him. If only his arms could have magic power, he thought nonsensically. He’d share it all with Yuzuru in those moments, he really would.

“You know what, Javi?” Yuzuru said, and there was a genuine smile on his face now, small and tentative, but real enough.

“Tell me, carino.”

“You know what?...” A coy sideglance from those come-hither eyes which made Javier’s traitorous blood rush south, even under such circumstances.

“I’ll know if you tell me, baby”, Javier played along.

“Let’s run away.”

“What.”

Yuzuru’s fit of laughter was immediately stifled as the waitress arrived with the check, and Yuzuru smiled again blandly, with polite solicitude, as he took care of it.

“Well, Javi?” Yuzuru said again, standing up, ready to leave. “What do you say? Will you run away with me?”

Javier stared at him, not knowing what to make of it, if Yuzuru was joking, if he had completely lost his mind, if he was _seducing_ him (surely not, down boy). He was so bewildered, he half-expected Jem to emerge from behind a large exotic plant with a signed non-disclosure agreement and yell “April fools”.

“Yuzu”, he answered carefully, “I did promise to spend my entire life with you, but hopefully not in the Amazon jungle.”

Yuzuru doubled over with laughter.

“Javi, you’re funny! I don’t think either of us will survive such a long journey! Let’s just hop on a train and see where it takes us.”

“Okay, and...?” Javier asked, still not wholly reassured.

Yuzuru shrugged, as he led the way to the door.

“We’ll check into a motel, and just .... stay there for a while – away from my manager, and fans, and mom, and truck drivers who are dicks.”

It was Javier’s turn to double over in laughter.

“You... _.you_... in a motel? Have you ever been in one?”

“No, why? But they’re cheaper than hotels, right?” Yuzuru said, earnestly.

“Sure”, Javier agreed, “and for several good reasons!”

“Why you make it like I’m a spoiled brat?” Yuzuru frowned.

“You’re right, I’m sorry”, Javier backed down. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

“I know I had a good life, I was so lucky”, Yuzuru said. “I know your life was hard – _is_ hard.”

“It wasn’t that bad”, Javier answered, honestly. “And yours wasn’t that lucky either. We’ve both had our ups and downs. And now we’re both in a down, it seems.” Javier grimaced as if to say _What can you do._

Outside, it was raining. They were making their way towards the bus station, when Yuzuru turned to Javier, abruptly:

“Javi, I mean it. Let’s go somewhere just the two of us, even if only for a couple of days. I can’t go back –“ he waved a hand, vaguely in the direction of the bus stop – “to all that. Not right now. I need a little time. And I want you to be there with me. Everything happened to fast. I need time to take everything in. And think about what’s to be done.”

“Everything is calculated, eh?” Javier joked.

He pondered Yuzuru’s words, while the raindrops got larger and more frequent, soaking them through and through.

“I get what you’re saying”, Javier said, at length. “But shouldn’t you call your manager, your mom, tell them of your plans?”

Yuzuru shook his head, resolutely:

“No. Not yet. I don’t want to deal with all this right now. For once in my life, I want to be selfish.”

Yuzuru’s quiet determination seemed to sway Javier more than reason could.

“Alright, Yuzu”, he agreed easily. “Let’s be totally crazy and selfish together, then.”

Yuzuru stepped closer and pressed his lips to Javier’s, in a silent thank you, that promised so much more. Javier tasted his already familiar lips and the rain. They held the flavour of excitement. It occured to him that Yuzuru would never have done this before, kiss someone in the middle of a busy street, and bit back a ‘who are you and what have you done with Yuzuru Hanyu?’ Instead he turned around with a lopsided grin and scanned their surroundings for a cab.

*

They crashed into each other and Javier’s back hit the wall, Yuzuru pressed to his front like a hungry selkie, slithery and dripping with rain, his mouth insistently searching Javier’s own. Javier let out a breathy curse as Yuzuru sucked at his Adam’s apple, his tongue sharp and talented, with just a hint of teeth. He wanted that mouth on him lower, swallowing him whole.

Now Yuzuru was trying to take off his jacket, hands struggling with the wet material behind his back, unwilling to allow his lips away from Javier’s skin even for a second. Javier helped him, tugging at the jacket and throwing it aside carelessly, then proceeded to remove Yuzuru’s shirt. It was like peeling off a second skin, and now it was Javier’s turn to rush forward, as he followed the path of the removed shirt with biting wet kisses. He lost no time in staking his claim – _The world already knows he’s mine –_ sucking fiercely at the smooth skin, to leave a satisfying red mark. Yuzuru’s fingers clenched into Javier’s hair, eyes half closed in bliss.

“More”, he whispered, “ _more_ ”.

“More of what?” Javier couldn’t help teasing him. “More kissing, more of my marks on you? Or do you want to get to third base?”

Yuzuru squinted at him, unfamiliar with the expression.

“More of _you_ ”, he answered, on a sigh.

Javier’s hand moved up to cup his jaw, meeting Yuzuru’s eyes – unfocused and smoky-dark with arousal.

“I still can’t believe you’re mine,” he murmured, dazed with wonder.

Yuzuru was right – it had all happened so fast. And now there they were – Javier and Yuzuru in some roadside motel, in a town Javier barely remembered the name of – and Yuzuru was looking at him like _that_ , like Javier was everything he craved. The pull between them was palpable, a living thing, heavy with intent, a burning flame that threatened to engulf them. And Javier would welcome it gladly.

Just a couple of hours ago, their mood was happy and carefree like children on a camping trip. They sat on the train and giggled, holding hands, heedless to the stares of onlookers. A lazy sun between two spells of afternoon rain, warmed their faces as they cuddled together for a nap. An old lady, charmed by their antiques, tapped Javier on his shoulder.

“Should I wake you for your stop?” she offered, kindly.

“No, it’s alright”, Javier smiled, and because she seemed to expect an explanation, he clarified: “We don’t have a stop.”

She looked confused, but smiled indulgently, and nodded.

When Javier and Yuzuru woke up, they were alone – the sun was setting and it had started to rain again. They got off at the next stop.

“It’s cold”, Yuzuru commented, without complaining, and he put out his tongue tentatively to taste a raindrop.

Javier pulled him close and stuck his own tongue into Yuzuru’s ear, making him screech.

“Let’s find a place to crash”, he said.

And now here they were, between the four bland walls of a tiny room, but neither had ever felt so free.

“You’re mine”, Javier repeated. “And I’m yours.”

He didn’t think he’d ever get tired of saying it.

Yuzuru’s eyes became dark pools of unholy temptation, as he fixed Javier with a meaningful gaze.

“Then maybe it’s time you do what you promised”, he said, licking his lips.

Javier traced the movevement with his eyes.

“Hmmm? What I promised?” he repeated, transfixed.

“Yes, don’t you remember?”

“Remind me”, Javier said, beginning to realize where this was going. He encircled Yuzuru’s waist with his arms, reaching lower to cup his ass.

“Oh I don’t think I remember that well”, Yuzuru said, coyly. “Something about fucking me hard and deep with your big cock, I think it-”

Javier squeezed at the plump flesh filling his palms and stole the words from Yuzuru’s mouth with a demanding kiss.

He walked him backwards towards the bed, where they both fell in a heap, breathing hard.

Javier sat up, as he took off his loose t-shirt in a single move, then tugged at his belt, towering over Yuzuru.

“You better get ready, baby boy. Cause you’re gonna get it so good.”

Javier winced even as he said it – it was fine to say such things in the heat of passion, to an anonymous partner on a porn hub, but to actually say it out loud to someone, that was pretty awkward. But Yuzuru reacted beautifully, his cheeks flushing a deep pink, and his pupils becoming full-blown. He tugged at his own pants, almost angrily, in his haste to have them off. Javier stopped him before he could do the same with his boxers.

“Let me do that”.

Javier mouthed at Yuzuru’s cock through his boxers, when he was suddenly struck by a memory. He looked down at the patch of saliva, realizing that Yuzuru was wearing now the same yellow boxers he had wore in the first video Javier had seen of him on the porn hub. The memory was bittersweet now, a wave of sentimental affection working through his lust, as he remembered how he had mused with detachment on the guy’s immaturity and the brisk manner in which he took care of things.

“Oh, Yuzu”, he chuckled fondly, deciding to keep the memory, and the thought, to himself.

Yuzuru lifted his ass to help Javier take off his boxers, and sighed as Javier started sucking at his cock, not greedily like the previous night, but slow and unhurried, like they had all the time in the world. Because wasn’t this the purpose of this trip? To stop time for a while.

Without pausing, Javier looked up at Yuzuru, who lay boneless, one arm thrown over his head, clutching the sheets, the other entangled in Javier’s hair. He was moaning softly, but keenly, as if the pleasure raked him too deep.

Javier gave the cock in his mouth one last suckle, then parted Yuzuru’s legs and mouthed at his thighs, with the same unhurried indulgence. He nibbled at the sharp hipbones and licked upwards, along the curvy line of Yuzuru’s waist. Yuzuru shuddered. He half opened his eyes, and looked down at Javier, curiously.

“I wanted to make this special”, Javier confessed in a whisper, so as not to disturb the mood. “Not in a seedy motel on...”, he huffed, looking around, “checkered-patterned sheets.”

Yuzuru looked at the sheets, then back at Javier, shrugging.

“They’re clean”, he offered, and Javier granted the point.

“And anyway, Javi, it’s special because it’s with you.”

It was cheesy, but Javier felt strangely moved, especially because Yuzuru was looking at him like _that,_ large dark eyes devouring him whole.

“Then I can promise that it will always be special”, Javier declared. He kissed Yuzuru’s bellybutton pointedly, as if sealing the promise.

Hours passed before they were entangled together and Javier finally slipped inside Yuzuru’s body, warm and tight, trying to hold off for now his basic instincts to thrust vigorously. Not now when Yuzuru’s walls clenched so torturously around his cock, and his entire body quivered like a bowstring pulled taut – when his hooded eyes searched Javier’s with a look of fragile surrender.

Yuzuru gasped, tears gathering unexpectedly at the corner of his eyes, as he felt Javier’s warm pulsing flesh impale him. It felt so different from the coldness he was used to. Javier’s cock was smaller than the purple dildo, but it was filling him so good, engorging even further while inside him. The feeling of fullness was already overwhelming, and Javier hadn’t even moved. He remained still, waiting for Yuzuru to adjust, not just to the thickness inside him, but to the foreign feeling of being truly possessed.

Yuzuru took a deep breath and released it slowly, nodding at Javier.

Javier nodded back and kissed his temple, then began to move, a slow push and drag at first, biting his lip, as the pleasure assaulted his senses.

After the first few thrusts, Yuzuru shifted slightly, maneuvering his lower body so that Javier slipped closer and further inside. They both moaned and Yuzuru locked his ankles behind Javier’s lower back, urging him on.

Javier changed the rhythm, and fucked him fast and shallow, with short, choppy thrusts, as he kept kissing him. Yuzuru’s body was hot and open to him, all tension going out of him every time he was kissed. Javier pulled back slightly and changed the angle and the depths of his thrusts, hitting Yuzuru’s sweet spot dead-on, and Yuzuru seemed to morph into a wild creature, chasing the sensual pleasure, features twisted in ectsasy and skin glowing, clutching at Javier and demanding - more, more, _more_. Javier reached between them, stroking Yuzuru's cock in rhythm with his thrusts, and it didn’t take long before Yuzuru was thrashing wildly, fingers digging painfully into Javier’s flesh as he came.

Javier allowed him some time to come down from it, before he flipped in over, and thrust back inside him, Yuzuru letting out a low groan, as he was filled again. In this new position, Javier allowed his instinctual side to completely take over, and the fucking became hard and dirty. Javier's thrusts were now sloppier but more driven, his fingers desperately digging into Yuzuru's hips as he fucked him. on Although almost boneless following his climax, Yuzuru pushed his ass back to meet Javier's thrusts every time, whining low in his throat. Javier couldn’t help giving Yuzuru’s flank a satisfying and possessive slap, gripping the flesh and watching it redden, the muscles twitching underneath.

“Very nice”, he breathed, remembering Yuzuru’s praise kink, “yeah, you’re such a good boy for me.”

He bent over, and huffed in Yuzuru's ear:

“I’m close, baby. Do you want me to come inside you?”

Yuzuru moaned and bit into the pillow, nodding his head, frantically.

“Talk to me”, Javier demanded, licking his neck. “Say it.”

“I want it-”, Yuzuru spoke muffled, “...come inside me, please.”

Javier grinned:

“My pleasure-“

Javier clenched his hands on Yuzuru’s waist as he pulled him back on his cock fiercely a few more times, his rhythm completely lost, before churning his hips as he felt the climax overtake him. A wounded groan signalled his release into the tight passage, and the pleasure made him almost black out, as he collapsed, half on top of Yuzuru.

“Fuck...,” he managed weakly, when he could speak again. “That was fantastic.”

Yuzuru woke up after a brief nap, just as dawn was breaking. He yawned and stretched, carelessly naked and feeling gloriously light and euphoric. There was a grunt as he unfolded his limbs all over the bed, and a hand landed on his head, pulling at his hair.

“Hey, you octopus, you’re not alone in bed, you know-“

Yuzuru snorted, then sighed contently, ready to fall back asleep.

Javier’s hand turned gentle, as he brushed off the strands of hair from Yuzuru’s forehead, gently, then pulled him into his arms. Yuzuru burrowed into Javier's warm embrace and lay still, listening to the steady fall of the rain on the windowpanes, until his mind was empty.


	15. Chapter 15

Yuzuru could hear Javier moving around, even before he half-opened his eyes.

He had went out at some point and now he returned with a late breakfast. Yuzuru could tell Javier was trying not to make noise, as he carefully extracted the cups of coffee from the rustling paper bags. The smell of freshly ground coffee was delicious even if Yuzuru wasn’t very keen on drinking it. Javier yelped, then cursed under his breath as the hot liquid slithered from a too-full cup onto his fingers. Yuzuru hid a smile into the pillow.

“I can see you there, I know you’re awake”, Javier announced. He stuck a finger into his mouth and sucked on it, to ease the sting.

He opened another paper bag. “I bought some bagels, too. I can imagine it’s not what your mom usually makes you for breakfast but oh well”, he teased, with a twinkle in his eyes.

Yuzuru smiled back but his heart clenched at the mention of his mother, his gaze automatically drawn towards his phone.

“Go ahead, call her”, Javier nodded, as he followed the direction of his look.

Yuzuru picked up his phone hesitantly.

“I’m afraid what I will see if I turn it on”, he confessed.

“Hey, if it helps, my phone is open and I haven’t received any messages from my federation about my career being over”, Javier said, trying to mask his anxiety under an uncertain smile.

He barely finished speaking, when, as if on cue, his phone rang.

Yuzuru and Javier exchanged wide-eyed looks.

“Don’t-“, Yuzuru said, “don’t answer.”

Javier looked at his phone.

“It’s your mom, Yuzu. Speak of the devil.”

Yuzuru frowned, still shaking his head.

“I’m gonna answer”, Javier said, firmly.

Yumi’s voice was quiet and uncertain at the end of the line. She apologized a couple of times for calling, while Javier assured her warmly that it was fine. Then, she predictably asked about Yuzuru:

“So terribly sorry to bother but he isn’t answering his phone and I’m worried.”

“He’s here with me”, Javier confirmed, while Yuzuru deflated visibly.

“I see...”, Yumi said. “Can I speak to him?”

_She wants to speak with you_ , Javier mouthed at Yuzuru, while Yuzuru shook his head resolutely and mouthed a definite _No._

Javier rolled his eyes.

“Uhhh, he will call you later, Yumi. I’m sorry.”

“I see”, Yumi repeated. Then, in a rush, as if embarrassed but still compelled to say it: “Please, tell him I love him.”

Javier swallowed with some difficulty, unexpectedly moved.

“Of course I will. Don’t worry, Yumi-san. He is fine and he will call you. I promise.”

“Thank you, Javi. Take care”, and then she hung up.

Javier shook his head:

“Yuzu, you gotta call her like, right now. She told me to tell you that she loves you. She’s worried and she’s your mom and you have to talk to her.”

“Might be a trick”, Yuzuru said. “She wants to lower my defenses so I’ll be more pliable when she starts scolding me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Yuzu. You know, I didn’t wanna bring this up, but if I could have my mother with me and even have her scold me from time to time, I’d be thankful. Anyway, you gotta face the music sooner or later. If you want, you can use my phone, so you don’t have to turn on yours yet.”

Yuzuru pouted like a contrary child. Javier was so frustrated with him in those moments, he really didn’t find him cute. Not at all. Definitely _not._ Okay maybe a little cute, the way his cheeks got chubby and his lips pressed forward.

“I wanted to be more with you, away from everything, before I have to face reality”, Yuzuru said.

Javier melted a little.

“Who says you can’t be? The rest of it can wait, but you have to call your mom. I’m sure she’s forgiven you by now. Surely a son who’s alive and well, even disgraced, is preferable to no son.”

Yuzuru threw him a look that said _Is it, really?_

Javier rolled his eyes:

“Call her, then we can take a shower together.”

Yuzuru sighed.

“You play dirty”, he said, then stretched a hand for Javier’s phone.

“Very dirty”, Javier agreed, wiggling his eyebrows. “I will give you a little privacy”, he added, heading towards the bathroom. “You can join me when you’re done.”

Yuzuru hesitated a little, finger hovering over the last conversation in Javier’s phone. _Yumi Hanyu_ – was the name of the contact in Javier’s list and it sounded so impersonal to him. He pressed call.

“Javi-san”, came his mother’s familiar voice in less than a couple of seconds, on a wondering tone.

“Mom, it’s me”, Yuzuru said.

*

Yuzuru slithered behind Javier in the shower, and hugged him, pressing against him tightly.

“Heeey, you”, Javier turned around, smiling. “How did it go?”

The hot water made the cabin walls steamy, so instead of answering, Yuzuru drew a sun with a smily face with his finger, feeling silly. Javier’s smile got wider.

_Y_ _♡_ _J xxx,_ Yuzuru carefully wrote underneath, which made Javier giggle.

“Turn around”, Javier said. Yuzuru lifted an eyebrow, but turned, sliding a hand sensually down his neck, and bending a little, ostentatiously presenting his butt.

But Javier straightened him, and Yuzuru almost turned, confused. Javier’s finger poked at his shoulder blades, keeping Yuzuru in place, and getting his attention. Then the finger moved down, then up with a flourish, then in a circle and down again, and Yuzuru’s mouth curved upwards as he began to make out the letters. _Javier ama a Yuzuru tan bien_ _xxx_ ~ Javier wrote, and they both laughed at how silly they were being. The text finished somewhere at the small of Yuzuru’s back, where Javier ended up drawing a heart, and then finally, bent and kissed at the warm, wet skin. Yuzuru shivered and turned around to face Javier, a challenge in his eyes, and an invitation in the slight upward twist of his lips. Javier answered it by claiming his mouth hungrily, already feeling again the sweet urge to take him apart.

“Mmm, Yuzu....”, Javier spoke against Yuzuru’s skin, already beginning to move down on his body, “if I can make you come in ten minutes, will you turn on your phone?”

*

The social media manager skimmed through the comments with some bewilderment. Gradually, the look of surprise gave way to a relieved smile, and he even indulged himself in a little satisfied fist pump. He felt around for his phone, his attention still trained on the comments. Thank the stars, his boss had finally turned his phone on. Just in time for some good news.

What the hell now??!

This is getting interesting.

You know what? I’m cool with it.

This is all super disappointing and SUPER triggering for me.

.... I’m crying.

I’m crying too. I love him so much.

Is it just my heart who broke when he said he hoped for nothing like a relationship in his future?

Yuzuuuu....I just want him to be happy!

Guys, this is literally everything we ever wanted for him. He found someone he loves and that someone is super cute and loves him back!

He also did a porn video! Well, several.

I know, right? He’s AWESOME.

He has an Olympic gold medal. He can do anything.

Not in Japan, he can’t.

He lives in Canada.

Yeah but [see more]

Hanyu just proved to us that he’s very human. He’s not perfect, but neither are you. Leave him alone, everyone!

Omg, Yuzu and Javi together <333

RIP fangirls

People! He said he’d be dead without our support. Let’s show him we keep supporting him!

Yuzu, we will never stop supporting you! We love you!

We love you forever, Yuzu!

You’re still the best!

#istandwithyuzu

Are we just going to ignore that he did a porn video?

....yes?

“ignore”, haha. I’m watching it everyday

I STAND WITH YUZU

Yuzu, we love you!

Stay strong, Yuzu! We’re with you forever!

Your fans love you! #istandwithyuzu

We love you, Yuzu! We love you too, Javi! <3

*

“The reaction has certainly been....unexpected, after the release of your candid conversation with the... individual.”

Yuzuru held his breath.

“An outpouring of love and support, to be exact. Your fans appear hellbent on showing you their support.”

“Really?” Yuzuru felt a lump in his throat and had to swallow to clear it. “This is amazing.”

“Yes. I will send you my report shortly, and you’ll see for yourself. Only two or three negative comments lost in a sea of positive ones.”

“So you can stop the hunt for Jem, right?” Yuzuru joked.

“There was never a _hunt_ for the individual", the voice scoffed. “Just an organized attempt at intimidation.”

The call ended and Yuzuru sat for a while, considering everything.

“Well?” Javier hovered around him, barely containing his anxiety.

“Well....”, Yuzuru drawled, “the bad news is that we might have to leave here soon...”

Javier’s face fell at that, and he frowned.

“... and get back to training, because we still have a long career in front of us.”

_One month later_

“I’m so happy at how it all worked out”, Javier mumbled, as if to himself, twirling one strand of Yuzuru’s hair around his fingers, as they lay in bed late one Sunday morning in their shared apartment. “Because I realize, even if all hadn’t worked out so well, I still couldn’t have let you go, or hide how I feel about you. So now we’d probably be on the run in the Amazon jungle, or in hiding in the steppes of Russia. We’d probably have to learn to ride horses and wear veils and that would be kind of bothersome...”

Yuzuru snorted in the pillow.

“Now I’m just so happy that we don’t even have to hide”, Javier went on. “I can discover new ways to love you.”

“New ways?” Yuzuru answered, sleepily, lifting an eyebrow.

“I meant to love you, not to do dirty things.”

“Oh. You should’ve been more specific”, Yuzuru mock-pouted. “Now I got the wrong idea.”

“But now that you mention it, spending my life making love to you isn’t such a bad idea, either.”

“There’s really no place to go but up from here, is there?”

Javier chuckled.

“You’re right. I mean, people have nightmares of being naked in front of people, and you – well, I guess you took it to the next level.”

“Do you know, it used to be my greatest fear? Not to be naked, but – exposed, discovered – that I’m not the perfect person people thought I was.”

“And now?”

“...Now, well... after the shock and horror of the first few days, and since the outrage died down to acceptance –“

“- and even enthusiasm, for some”, Javier pointed out, grinning.

“yeah, since all that, I feel... strangely liberated.”

“Mhm. It’s funny, isn’t it? In a way, I went through the same sequence as they did. First I pushed you away, rejected you, because it was so far from my image of you – I avoided you and ran away like a coward, but then.... I realized that I loved you more than ever. It’s a binding love, not despite, but because of everything that you are.”

“I can’t believe I have everything I ever wanted. Not only people’s love and admiration, but also you, Javi, you’re really mine, for real.”

“For real and for life.”

“And we don’t have to hide or anything.”

“I told you, I couldn’t do it anyway, Yuzu. When I love someone, I’m so obvious.”

“Oh, I knoooow. I have to prepare for a million selfies, right?”

“In every corner of the world. Or the apartment.”

“Oh noooo-“

“Don’t tell me you’re shy now!”

“But it’s embarrassing!”

“After everything you did _....This_ is embarrassing for you?”

Yuzuru dissolved into laughter.

Javier put an arm around him and brought him closer, fishing for his phone with his other hand.

He smiled widely as he positioned it for a selfie.

“There we go, selfie number one.”

“I look like an idiot. Delete it.”

“Nah. You look cute. Happy.”

“You know what, Javi? It’s probably silly, but I have a feeling I can do anything. You know Pyeongchang’s in a couple of years?”

“Mhm.” Javier fumbled with his phone, only half-listening, as he posted the picture.

“I feel like I can win it.”

“Sure you can.”

“For real.”

“Of course.”

“I’m so sure of it, it’s like seeing the future. I can see it now, you on the podium with me.”

“... From your lips to God’s ears, Yuzu.”

“And we’ll still be together. I just know it.”

“Of course. There’s just one thing, Yuzu.”

“What’s that?”

Javier made a face.

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get behind your weird strangulation kink.”

Yuzuru’s face was thoughtful, almost sad, for a few seconds, but then turned mischievous:

“Oh, we’ll see about that. _Challenge accepted_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so that's it, the end! Thanks for sticking with this story and I hope you liked it!  
> Take care! <3


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